TIME FOR THE MATCH OF 2010

[bwhahahabeck.livejournal.com]

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE

vs.

WHO HAS THE BIGGER DEATH DICK?

Matthew Murdock | Daredevil
Ali has a post explaining Matthew's tendency to always get a good lay which does a better job than me explaining Matt's mommy issues and his natural animal magnetism for hot, sexy women. Unfortunately, these hot sexy women are always getting the wrong end of the sai. True, Black Widow has been left unscathed and Typhoid Mary is...a fucking lunatic, but--lets look at his girlfriends.

Elektra
Elektra was one of Matt's girlfriends in college, but they did not reconnect until years later when she was better known as Kingpin's top assassin. In one of the most iconic scenes in Marvel, Bullseye kills Elektra with her own sai.



Karen Page
Arguably the love of Matt's life, Karen was a good Christian girl who ran into some bad luck and was an on-and-off again love interest for Matt. She resurfaced in Kevin Smith's run of Daredevil V. 2. She came rushing back into Matt's life during Mysterio's plot to drive him crazy with a dramatic confession. Bullseye kills Karen with Matt's own billy club as she tries to save him (noticing a pattern here, guys?).



Milla Donovan
Milla is just a simple blind chick who was rescued by Daredevil and fell in love with Matt Murdock. Matt was having a nervous breakdown and declaring himself Kingpin and marrying Milla in secret. Bullseye definitely tries attacking Milla, but Matt was having none of that shit and wailed on Bulls before carving a bullseye right on his FOREHEAD. That didn't stop Milla from going insane later though--after she divorced Matt and completely shut him off from her life.



Cons: Milla isn't actually dead! Though being insane doesn't certainly help.

Kyle Rayner | Green Lantern
A hopeless romantic and famous for the term 'women in refrigerators'. I don't know too much about Kyle's history, so this will be brief.

Alex DeWitt
She is the girlfriend of Kyle Rayner before he receives the Green Lantern power ring from Ganthet. She is best known, however, as the murder victim whose manner of disposal led Gail Simone to coin the phrase "Women in Refrigerators".[1] Alex DeWitt first appears with Kyle at the end of Green Lantern vol. 3, #48.



Donna Troy
Wonder Girl! And a founding member of the Teen Titans and obsession of Kyle Rayner. While she was in space with Kyle, her family died back on Earth, but that was hardly her fault. Donna died some time during Infinite Crisisssss? I believe? But she got better AND away from Kyle.



Jade
Along with Obsidian, Jade was a founding member of Infinity, Inc. She has worked with both the Justice League and Justice Society of America, as well as most recently being a member and eventual leader of the Outsiders. She was also a member of the resurrected Green Lantern Corps after being given a spare power ring. She has been romantically linked with Hank King (Brainwave) and with Green Lantern Kyle Rayner. She was the first female Green Lantern from Earth.

But like all of Kyle's girlfriends, she dies and taunts him during Blackest Night.



Good news? She's alive again!

Cons: Kyle lucked out with Soranik Natu. During the Blackest Night event, Kyle's death dick was lampshaded heavily and he ultimately sacrificed his life to kill a hundred or so Black Lanterns. It was Soranik's love that brought Kyle back and they are officially bonded~ Soranik has escaped Kyle's death dick so far, but how long will it last?

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE GUYS

VOTE

Comments

[iron-fister.livejournal.com]

Matt. Although I do love me some Fridge-woman.

Also, what on earth made you want to make this poll.

[idateforsupper]

Matt. Deff Matt.

[eppy]

I CAN'T VOTE I'M TOO EXCITED THAT YOU POSTED THIS.

[doubleoohbaby.livejournal.com]

I VOTE BOND FOR THE BIGGEST DEATH DICK EVER. ONCE HE STICKS IT IN, IT'S A GUARANTEED TICKET TO DEATHNESS. There's usually at least one Bond Girl death per film. Often more.

so i vote that there can be more than those two!

though kyle just because his refrigerator girlfriend will never stop being funny

[secondhandwebs]

Matt.

Bullseye has pretty much dedicated his life to sitting outside of Matt's apartment, waiting for a new girlfriend to move in. Because he loves Matt so.

[123youreit.livejournal.com]

I'm going to vote for Kyle because ZOMBIE GIRLFRIEND.

Man I should make one of these run downs for Tim, although at least most of his girlfriends/girls he kissed the one time/was kissed by are just... crazy...

[hotforbabyleg.livejournal.com]

OKAY SO LET'S EVALUATE THIS

matt's dick has killed two women total, one of whom was normal and one of whom was a badass ninja

kyle's dick has killed three women, two of whom were superheroes and one of whom was normal

milla gets disqualified because although her craziness does count for brownie points for matt she doesn't count as dead

all three badasses got resurrected eventually, thus giving their dicks limited staying power

soranik and natasha have successfully boned kyle and matt, respectively, and escaped the dick curse

BUT KYLE'S KILLED TWO SUPERHEROES AND MATT'S ONLY KILLED ONE

ALSO IN THE MOVIE ELEKTRA WAS JENNIFER GARNER

VICTORY TO KYLE

[prettymorlock]

So the moral of the story is to stay the hell away from superheroes as boyfriends right?

[iamnotthemom.livejournal.com]

KYLE.

[hexappeal]

Do we get a deathgina post next. Because seriously, everyone dies on this bitch.

Also, I vote Kyle because of the fact that he's been in existence for less time and still is about 'equal,' though Idk since time and doesn't make sense in ~comicbookland~

[sterling-game.livejournal.com]

god what is this poll

Rayner. Seriously.

[soysauce.livejournal.com]

BECK MY DARLING HI HI HI

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE IN THIS POLL, AM I? THOUGH IT IS AN AMAZING POLL AND ORGANIZED POST AND I WANT TO VOTE.

Hi../needs to get active...

[soysauce.livejournal.com]

PS Kyle's death penis is nine inches. BEAT THAT MATT.

[shinygreenjesus.livejournal.com]

so hey gaiz wats goin on in dis thred


(translation: teal votes for kylechan)

[shinygreenjesus.livejournal.com]

ALSO

what would happen

if Kyle and Matt slept together?

LETS PONDER THIS.

[elektracution.livejournal.com]

I'm voting for Kyle, since Natasha isn't dead and Elektra dies and comes back from the dead like it's going out of style.

[guardiandevil]

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS POST EVEN OMG





/BRB HORRIFIED FOREVER

[stillawitch.livejournal.com]

Matt.

this (http://community.livejournal.com/goshdarnspam/1061383.html?thread=133414663#t133414663) convinced me

[horribleidea.livejournal.com]

this doesn't include like half of kyle's dead girlfriends

some of which were only in oneshots

[meowminx.livejournal.com]

Selina beats both of them, I think.