oh, nill. she is honestly the closest friend karkat has made since arriving in the city. he really, really cares for her and worries about her. after the hellbus plot he was terrified he may have lost her friendship forever and as a result he's come to value her companionship and friendship even more than he did before, and it was already a lot. karkat still has problems trusting her and opening up to her, and unfortunately how afraid he's come to be of losing her doesn't really help with that! he doesn't want her to leave him and he thinks if he drops his guard too much with her or opens up to her too much she'll see what he's really like and be like wow you're awful, please go.
his guard with her is a bit different to what it's like with most other people, however. instead of being outright aggressive with her he alternates between being reserved and awkward, and talking himself up and going on massive self aggrandizing tirades to try and impress. he really wants to impress her! and her reactions tend to fluster and confuse him, since he's pretty used to and expects to get called out on being an embarrassing moron, so when she responds positively more often than not he really doesn't know what to make of it. he doesn't understand. he doesn't understand why she wants anything to do with him, much less why she likes him or why she actively seeks him out or why she doesn't rise to his bait when he's being a douchebag and in general why she's so unwaveringly nice to him. it doesn't add up to karkat, he constantly tries to figure out what her motive could be, if she has some ulterior thing going on he doesn't know about, or if again, she's secretly judging the fuck out of him and is too nice to say so.
he tries really really hard not to be a douchebag around her, but... he kind of tries too hard and ends up being a douchebag by default, whoops. he's just not very good at not being a total jackass, even when his heart is in the right place. it's just that being a total jackass to nill is unsatisfying because she doesn't push back at all. she just accepts whatever karkat throws at her and it's like rock and water, basically. that doesn't mean he isn't liable to say mean things to her if the situation arose, she just hasn't done anything really to set him off yet, any aggression he may display towards her is generally just posturing and it fizzles out before he can even really get started because of the way she reacts to it. it's pretty disarming, the way she reacts! again, that confuses the hell out of him. he's still kind of a jerk, i.e. he's really insensitive about the mute thing and would casually call her a "cripple" and stuff like that, but it's not really intentional.
he mostly just wants her to like him, and he over complicates it for himself because he's stupid and can't believe that she would like him. what a moron. over the time he's known her he's also developed a dumb flushcrush on her, but honestly he isn't ever intending to try and get anywhere with it. he doesn't expect her to reciprocate and he wouldn't know what to do if she did. redrom is the most frightening quadrant for him, it's hard enough dealing with his confused feelings for terezi and jade, and he doesn't want to do anything that could make nill wise up to the fact that (he thinks) he is a total failure and completely crazy and generally not someone you want in your life. he's being very careful with her.
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his guard with her is a bit different to what it's like with most other people, however. instead of being outright aggressive with her he alternates between being reserved and awkward, and talking himself up and going on massive self aggrandizing tirades to try and impress. he really wants to impress her! and her reactions tend to fluster and confuse him, since he's pretty used to and expects to get called out on being an embarrassing moron, so when she responds positively more often than not he really doesn't know what to make of it. he doesn't understand. he doesn't understand why she wants anything to do with him, much less why she likes him or why she actively seeks him out or why she doesn't rise to his bait when he's being a douchebag and in general why she's so unwaveringly nice to him. it doesn't add up to karkat, he constantly tries to figure out what her motive could be, if she has some ulterior thing going on he doesn't know about, or if again, she's secretly judging the fuck out of him and is too nice to say so.
he tries really really hard not to be a douchebag around her, but... he kind of tries too hard and ends up being a douchebag by default, whoops. he's just not very good at not being a total jackass, even when his heart is in the right place. it's just that being a total jackass to nill is unsatisfying because she doesn't push back at all. she just accepts whatever karkat throws at her and it's like rock and water, basically. that doesn't mean he isn't liable to say mean things to her if the situation arose, she just hasn't done anything really to set him off yet, any aggression he may display towards her is generally just posturing and it fizzles out before he can even really get started because of the way she reacts to it. it's pretty disarming, the way she reacts! again, that confuses the hell out of him. he's still kind of a jerk, i.e. he's really insensitive about the mute thing and would casually call her a "cripple" and stuff like that, but it's not really intentional.
he mostly just wants her to like him, and he over complicates it for himself because he's stupid and can't believe that she would like him. what a moron. over the time he's known her he's also developed a dumb flushcrush on her, but honestly he isn't ever intending to try and get anywhere with it. he doesn't expect her to reciprocate and he wouldn't know what to do if she did. redrom is the most frightening quadrant for him, it's hard enough dealing with his confused feelings for terezi and jade, and he doesn't want to do anything that could make nill wise up to the fact that (he thinks) he is a total failure and completely crazy and generally not someone you want in your life. he's being very careful with her.