I hate the Major, and I wish that someone would make him sorry. Not so he can make amends, but so he can spend the rest of his life in a hell of his own making, people can torture themselves better than anyone else ever could if they put their mind to it. But what I want most of all? Would be if he was killed and stayed dead, and the 'porter never brought him back, or any other different version of him. Doesn't matter if he was killed painlessly, or mercilessly, or if he went to Valhalla or wherever after he died. As long as his ghost doesn't end up in a position to affect the realm of the living. Just as long as no one has to deal with him.

I'm also sick of losing people I care about. I know it's part of life, I know a part of them will always be with me, but I still fucking hate it.

The next time someone messes with someone I care about- hurts them, brainwashes them, messes with their head or uses me as a tool to do it? I want to try and see how much I can make someone suffer without physically torturing them, or hurting people they care about.

And after what happened to Bobbi... I'm starting to wonder if being an illusionist is a good thing or not. If the amount of good I can potentially do with it is less than the bad that I could do with it, and if people knew I could control their senses, that even if I didn't- even if I swore I didn't, and kept my word, that I'd still have a much harder time making friends and being close to people. I know Pan hates it when I think like that- it doesn't help and sitting around sulking about what I can't change is stupid because there's still some good I can do with it. And it's not something I think about constantly but it's still at the edges of my mind sometimes and I hate myself for thinking it.