IT'S TIME FOR THE...

[gabbie]

GODDAMN TEST DRIVE MEME

1. COMMENT WITH A JOURNAL OF A CHARACTER YOU'VE THOUGHT OF APPING/WOULD LIKE TO APP AS THOUGH THEY'RE ALREADY IN CNC
2. TAG AROUND WITH NEW JOURNALS OR OLD!
3. APP THEM ALL NOW!
4. NOBODY IS EVER LATE EVER
5. LINK THIS POST TO ATP ADS YOU POST LATER
6. RECYCLES THIS TEXT ALWAYS
7. HAVE FUN

Comments

[viced]

Oh we did? Good, it's not like we're swimming in them left and right already. So what can you do?

[handsomejack]

Depends on what's wrong with this place.

Mind filling me in, good buddy?

[viced]

Well, there's a hell of a lot wrong. Anyway, welcome to the City, you've been teleported to an alternate universe where you're supposed to be a hero, but if you aren't, it's not going to really fucking hurt anything, as long as you don't ruin my streets.

[handsomejack]

Your streets? Heh, well, how 'bout that. Three seconds here and I'm already talking to the head honcho.

Handsome Jack. At your service. [For now]

So tell me, what's your major problem here?

[viced]

You ever pick up a comic book, er, Handsome Jack?

[ A pause ]

No, really, your fucking moniker is Handsome Jack?

[handsomejack]

Yeah, sure, when I was twelve?

[Oh, and response to the name]

No, I decided to give you a fake one just to fuck with you. Yeah. I go by Handsome Jack. The alternatives just didn't have the right ring of narcissism that I like so damn much. Just call me Jack if you're going to get your manties in a twist.

[viced]

Alright, Jack, you see, here in the City, those fucking things are real.

And Superheroes create supervillains, and super problems.

[handsomejack]

Oh I gotcha. So, are you saying want them all to go away?

[viced]

What? No! I don't want them to fucking go away, I'm just saying shit comes up around here. A lot.

[handsomejack]

[And yet Jack's going to tuck that little idea in his own pocket. Clearly these people don't appreciate them... and they are the cause of problems. So maybe getting rid of them all will make himself rise above the rest.]

Well yeah, that makes sense. Shit comes up in general, but throw heroes and villains in here and that's just a nuke waiting to happen.

Alright, so. What have you kids tried?

[viced]

You mean, what haven't we tried? What, you going to try and shoot for damage control around here?

[handsomejack]

Psh. No? Obviously you've tried- right? I mean, you've tried everything.

[Is that a slightly condescending tone to his voice? Yep yep.]

Believe me, if you have me taking a long good look at this place, I'll help it shape up and fast.

[viced]

[ He puts his hands on his hips. ]

Uh huh, sounds great. Let's hear the ideas, Jack. I'm always happy to get input from citizens, especially if they're new ones. [ Even if they have creepy faces ]

[handsomejack]

Let a guy settle in, and I'll tell you exactly what I think needs to happen, champ.

[viced]

What, you can't come up with it off the cuff? I'm disappointed, I was starting to think you were a badass.

[handsomejack]

Coming from President Not-Giving-Me-Any-Information-to-Work-off-of-really-to-give-you-a-legitimate-idea? Alright, here's what I got.

Superheroes and super villains, right?

Idea number 1: Why not get the super powered types to use their powers to help run/generate the city? They become useful. Badabing- they don't piss off or push the villains over the edge so they're easy pickings.

[viced]

[ He winces ]

Maybe I should give you a few weeks. Villains aren't exactly going to be easy for the rest of us if their rivals are gone. Half of them are missing them anyway.

[handsomejack]

Wasn't aware that all villains had a hero matched up to them. You know, maybe if you just have them surgically fused to each other they'll just take care of themselves.

[Obviously Jack is taking this seriously]

Yeah. Give me at least a week to check this out. I was a programmer and the president of the Hyperion Corporation. Things aren't done rashly. They're planned and calculated.