goshdarnspam | IT'S THAT VERY SPECIAL TIME AGAIN.

[Kiritsugu is experiencing his own struggles in staying upright, so when Kariya unexpectedly stumbles towards him, he stumbles back, and it's all he can do not to fall over, himself. Fortunately, the wall is close enough that he manages to reach a hand out and press against the brick, saving himself from a nasty spill.

That was close. He takes a moment to recover. He's very conscious of the curse pulsing painfully through every cell in his body. He takes a deep breath, turning to face the stranger who almost inadvertently caused him to fall, but without anger. His mildly curious expression softens further as he gets a better look and sees what state the other man is in. He looks worse off than Kiritsugu.

Well, it looks like they're just a couple of lucky guys. What was this place thinking, bringing sick men in to be heroes? He'd laugh if he weren't so worried about the man standing before him. He rests a hand lightly on Kariya's shoulder.]

Hold up, settle down for a second. [This man should not be going anywhere. ~~Neither should Kiritsugu, but he doesn't care about that~~.] You don't look so good. You just get here, too?

[ he chokes down a distressed noise, some part of him realizing he'd nearly knocked someone else off their feet. ] I'm s-- I'm sorry, I-- [ his voice is little more than a pained gasp, but it's not as if he can just be silent about it. if he were steadier on his feet, if he wasn't so damaged, if he'd just been stronger.. but it's all pointless now.

he flinches at the contact, tugging his hood down lower over his face, swaying uncertainly on his good leg. he can't fall. he has to keep moving. he needs to.. find out where he's going. choose a destination. (find his way back to sakura.)

the question earns a startled, furtive glance back up at the other man, good eye searching the unfamiliar face. he doesn't know this person, does he? he's a new arrival, just like kariya. he has no idea where he's from or who he is, and can't this man see he's wasting his time and concern? can't he see how little of kariya actually remains?

(he's dead, he's dead, he's dead.)

his breath hitches, a pained little hiccup. his whole body feels like a single raw nerve, and he's so unused to positive contact that he keeps expecting a slap. ]

I-- Y-Yes. I-- I guess I.. don't remember arriving. [ shock, maybe. or brain damage. it's hard to tell with the crest worms. ]

[Now that he's regained his balance, he's in a better position to assist, putting out a hand to steady Kariya as he sways. Kariya looks much nearer to death than he is. In fact, he looks like he's already on the other side of it.

What happened to this man? Kiritsugu wonders, assessing the damage. Oddly, he realizes that there's something familiar about this sight, but he can't tell if it's the nature of the man's ailment or the man himself that sparks something in his memory that he can't quite place. There are so many things he's put out of his head. Did one of the magi he'd killed do this to people? Yes, magi... It was something to do with them, though that tells him little, as so much of his life was once wrapped up in that world, in one way or another.

Not for the first time, he regrets being in his current state. And to think he used to want to be a hero. How can he help anyone when he can barely help himself? He has to try, that's all he can do. This person needs help, needs him. He does his best to put the pain out of his mind, offering Kariya a reassuring smile.]

It's a lot to go through. But you're not alone now. Listen. We'll try to get you some help, okay? What's your name? I'm Kiritsugu.

[ help? the only help he needs is in getting back home, in saving sakura. and.. he's not sure he can do that. he's not sure that anyone here can do that.

still, he offers a small, uncertain nod at the reassurances, flinching at the hand steadying him, trying to force himself not to jerk away. it's okay. he's not trying to hurt him, he's fine. ]

It's.. Kariya. Matou Kariya. [ he tips his head up slightly, peeking out from underneath the hood as he lifts a hand to wipe the smear of blood away from his mouth. he needs to make an attempt to.. not look too pathetic, at least. he knows he's in a miserable, disgusting state. ] Ah-- I'm.. okay. I'm okay, I'm sorry. I don't want to be trouble.

Matou Kariya.

[Then it comes back. All his intelligence, during the War. He remembers. He knows who this man is, very well. This is the Matou Master, the man he had tried to kill but failed to find. He hadn't realized he'd been in such an awful state. This must be the Matou magecraft he'd heard about. It's sickening to witness, though he feels more disgusted by the horror of the practice than by Kariya himself. How is Kariya still moving?]

It's nice to meet you, Kariya. You're no trouble.

[Kariya is definitely not okay in any sense of the word. He keeps smiling, not showing any revulsion.]

Let's find you a place to sit down. We can talk for a bit.

[He's got to get the man off his feet. Not that he couldn't use a seat as well. There are chairs inside, he remembers.] Come with me.

[ he shouldn't. he doesn't know this man. this is a terrible idea, he shouldn't trust him, and he knows that. but.. he's so exhausted and out of his element and this man is being kind to him when he has no reason to do so.

instead, then, he offers a small nod and a tremulous, crooked smile, his good hand clutching his bad arm hard enough to leave his knuckles white. sitting down sounds.. good. if he could just think, focus through the haze and pain. he can endure anything, but he hasn't been at his best since the start of all this.

he shifts a little on his good leg, glancing briefly away. ]

Where--? Where should we..?

Let's go back inside.

[He starts to guide him that way. It's probable that neither of them would make it much further than that (though Kiritsugu had been making a go of it), but Kiritsugu hides his impairment well, moving slowly and steadily. Not pushing himself, so he doesn't show signs of the strain. He has the luxury of disguising his ailment, unlike Kariya.

This man needs medical attention. No, what he really needs is a magus of some kind, someone who could heal him. The problem is, Kiritsugu doesn't know if there's anyone like that here. Even when he was a magus, he wasn't capable of anything like that. Well, best to get him sitting down first, then decide what to do.]

So, where are you from, Kariya?

[He keeps talking to him, to keep him focused.]

I'm from Japan. [Though that's likely no surprise, seeing as how he's been speaking Japanese all this time, but best to keep the topic of conversation simple.] Fuyuki City.

[ he follows obediently, because these days, that's almost all he can manage. zouken had wanted him irreparably broken, and he'd done an excellent job of it. kariya knows he isn't a great deal of good for much else these days, especially considering the fact that he should by rights be dead right now. his body had failed him. so why is he still here?

he waits uncertainly for a few moments as they find seats, then carefully eases himself down into one. the relief is almost enough to bring tears to his eyes, and just in case, he lifts a hand to dash any moisture away. he's being ridiculous, he knows.

but.. had kiritsugu said.. fuyuki? his head lifts again, good eye trying to focus on the other man, searching for anything familiar in his features. ] Then you-- [ he bites his lip, brusing the thin flesh, shifting a little uncertainly. ] You.. Is my name.. familiar to you?

[Kariya comes along easily, and Kiritsugu feels a bit relieved himself as he takes a seat. Sometimes he wants nothing more than to rest and never move again. He'll keep moving, though, as long as he's still alive.

It's not an unexpected question, considering that he already knows where Kariya's from. He watches Kariya as Kariya studies his face, confident he won't be recognized. He seriously considers lying. He's an excellent liar, but he doesn't feel like deceiving this man. Why should he? What purpose would it serve? Kariya's been so poorly done by already, he could probably use some honesty. Kiritsugu might lie to spare his feelings or avoid upsetting him, but aside from those concerns, he doesn't feel right being other than honest with him.

It's mainly the thought that he could upset him that makes him hesitate, but he keeps his voice calm, his expression friendly.]

Well, Fuyuki's a big city, with a lot of people... [He pauses.] But, yes. I know who you are.

Don't worry, we're not enemies.

[Not anymore.]

I used to be a magus.

[ he chokes out a laugh, rusty and hoarse with disuse and damage. ] I've never-- I've only thought of one man as my enemy, and he.. he's dead. I don't care about the Grail War. [ not really. they could have the damn thing if they'd just freed sakura and rin to be little girls again. sakura never deserved the kind of horror the matou house had put her through.

he leans back in his seat, good eye sliding shut as he tries to focus on anything other than the sick sensation of the worms crawling through him. ]

I just.. wanted to help a little girl, that's.. that's all.

[ he lets his head loll slightly toward the other man, fingers twitching against his lap. ] .. 'Used to be'..?

Good to hear. I had a lot of enemies, once. Not anymore.

I don't care about the Grail War either. [No, that isn't precisely true.] I only care about stopping it from ever happening again.

A little girl. I see. [He had known the basic facts of the Matous' involvement, but he hadn't known why Kariya in particular had involved himself in the War. A gentle man. One who shouldn't have been caught up in a battle like that. He nods. Kariya's reason makes perfect sense to him. His children are more important to him than anything else.] I understand. I have two children, myself. [He would die for them, without hesitation. In retrospect, it's a good thing Kariya didn't win the Grail. He might say that he doesn't care, but if the Grail had deemed him worthy, would he have made a wish? Whatever that wish bad been, the Grail would have twisted it into something vicious, obscene. He doesn't mention that. There's no point.] I'd do anything for them.

You might say I've retired. [His Magic Circuits have been progressively destroyed, yes, but he would have given that world up anyway.] I want to spend time with my family, that's all.

.. They're not.. mine. [ his mouth twitches, a smile that looks painful on his face. ] Sakura and Rin. I just.. couldn't stand for them to be-- be separated. And the Matou house is.. no place for a child. Especially a magus. [ after what he'd endured in childhood, what he'd been forced to learn, he'd been determined to let the line die out.

he lets his good eye open again, dizzy and unfocused as he searched for the other man. when he finds him, he shifts, curling as best he can manage in the chair, wrapping his good arm around his knees as if to make himself as small as possible. ]

.. Your children. Are they here? A parent.. needs to be with their children.

Even if they're not yours, you can care about them more than anything else. [He smiles at the other man. Sakura and Rin. The names are familiar enough, though it's been a long time. The Tohsaka children, although Sakura had been sent to live with the Matou family. Yes, the story is beginning to make sense to him. He'd known all about his enemies in the Grail War.] No, I don't think it would be.

[It doesn't look like it was any place for Kariya, either, and Kiritsugu knows the man had failed. He didn't win the War. He must have died. Considering the state he's in, that's no surprise.]

I hope they'll be all right. I'm sure you did your best for them.

[His children. Are they here? Of course, he wants to see Shirou--from his perspective, he left him but a little while ago--but Ilya... His own little girl is in a house where she shouldn't be. The thought of seeing her again fills him with almost too much hope for him to bear. No, he can't allow himself to think it might happen. It's--it would hurt, so much, to hope and then have that hope destroyed again.] I've only just arrived. I don't know if they're here. But you're right. I should be with them. I'll look for them.

[ .. he does. he'd loved their mother, but rin and sakura had been the closest to children he'd ever had. even more than aoi, they'd been his world, his reason for all of this. for going back to his father even knowing what a monster he was. ] They were.. all I had.

[ he had done his best, but.. it hadn't been enough. his best never is. not for zouken, not for the war, not for sakura's sake.

his expression softens in sympathy and no small amount of exhaustion, tugging the hood down over his face again. ] .. I hope you find them soon, then. I.. I need to get back. If this is a second-- second chance, then.. [ he can't waste it. he doesn't really have time to rest. ]

Sometimes family is all you have. [He wouldn't take away this man's right to think of those children as his family, even if they weren't his. He's not about to take the only thing he has away from him.] I know what that's like.

If they're here, I'll find them. [He's confident of that fact.]

It may be a second chance. [Get back? To what? A meaningless war that he's going to lose? That hardly seems like much of a chance. Kiritsugu knows he's the one who's going to win the war, and he knows what that means, but he doesn't tell Kariya this.] Before you do that, we have to get those things out of you.

[He doesn't know exactly what they are, other than the rumors he's heard about Zouken Matou's magecraft (Zouken is exactly the kind of magus he was once dedicated to wiping out), but there is undeniably something inside Kariya Matou, and Kiritsugu's not sure how much longer he'll be able to survive.]

Do you know if there's a way to get rid of them?

[ he flinches at the mention of the crest worms, a hunted, panicked look taking over the good side of his face. for a moment, he considers trying to flee-- but he knows he wouldn't get far, and what would be the point? besides, he seems to be.. concerned, which is something so foreign that kariya isn't sure how to respond. why would he care? he's a stranger. and anyway, everyone knows the matou family magic is.. wrong.

he shakes his head, a small, mute gesture, arm tightening around his knees as dozens, even hundreds of tiny mouths devour him from the inside. ]

It's too late. And.. and anyway, I couldn't. Not as long as there's.. some chance. [ his breath hitches, vision hazing again as tears rise, and he ducks his head to hide them. after what he's been through, he's not sure he has the capacity to be humiliated by something like this, but.. ] I know that I-- I can't help Sakura on my own anymore. But.. if I can even be a distraction.. If Zouken is entertained by me, then.. then he'll leave her alone.

Kariya.

[He can already tell this man is stubborn. He should know. He can see the signs. He's stubborn himself. It can be a positive trait, but... not always.]

There's no War here. It's another world. I've been reading about it. There might be someone who can help you here.

[He sighs, then leans forward to rest a hand on the other man's arm, lightly, so as not to cause him any pain. He speaks to him as gently as he can, but he's not sure what to say. Kariya seems so delicate, so easily harmed. Kiritsugu can relate to him, however. He's a man with a dream, who will put everything else aside to pursue it.

That's not necessarily a good idea.]

Do you really think that's true, that Zouken will do that?

[He's sure, based on all the available information, that Zouken Matou never had any intention of letting the girl go. That makes this all the more sad.]

[ he jerks at the contact, blurry vision finding the hand uncertainly, then lifting to the other man's face. it would be nice to think that he could be.. stronger. that the fear and pain and horror and violation that he lives with could be taken away. but that would mean finding a way to remove the crest worms, and if they're gone.. what is he? if he lets that happen for his own comfort while sakura is at home suffering a fate that should have been his-- ]

You don't-- understand. [ his voice cracks as he struggles with a sob that's caught in his throat. ] The things.. that go on in that house.. And that should have been me. That was always.. meant to be me. [ but after a lifetime living in that house under zouken's hand and his cruel whims, he'd finally run. and he'd hoped that the matou family magic would finally die.

but zouken had found another way, and it's all kariya's fault. ] I can't.. give up on Sakura, but.. this is all.. I can do. [ he lifts his hand away from his knees to rub his knuckles over his eyes, smearing away the tears. ] It's never-- never been much. But no one else.. seems to care about her.

[He holds Kariya's gaze, though he's not sure how well the man can see.]

I do understand. I know more about the evil magecraft can do than most.

[He has seen magi make monsters out of men, again and again. He has seen horrors, humans turned into objects, into terrifed animals, into the living dead.]

No. It shouldn't have.

[It shouldn't have been anyone. That was the kind of power, the kind of abuse of power, that Kiritsugu had fought his whole life to end. He had failed, of course. He had failed in every way imaginable. That didn't mean that he had to accept things as they were when faced with an injustice like this.

Injustice... Once he may have truly been able to do something about it. Now, he knows, he's not much good for anything. But he tries anyway.]

No one should have to go through that. [He pauses, studying Kariya's ruined face, compassionately.] I care. I don't know her, but I do care. You'll be better able to help her if you're stronger.

IT'S THAT VERY SPECIAL TIME AGAIN.

Ahh Kariya

aslkdjf sorry about the wait on this sob

no problem! also this is the Kirei from RC

alksjdf o h hi //////

hi there! ♥

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