IT'S THAT VERY SPECIAL TIME AGAIN.

[goodburger]

Time for.......


THE GODDAMN TEST DRIVE MEME

1. COMMENT WITH A JOURNAL OF A CHARACTER YOU'VE THOUGHT OF APPING/WOULD LIKE TO APP AS THOUGH THEY'RE ALREADY IN C&C
2. TAG AROUND WITH NEW JOURNALS OR OLD!
3. APP THEM ALL NOW!
4. IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO BE LATE SO DON'T YOU EVEN GO THERE
5. LINK THIS POST TO ATP ADS YOU POST LATER
6. THIS TEXT HAS BEEN RECYCLED AT LEAST 25 TIMES
7. HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN

Comments

[failedprotagonist]

Even if they're not yours, you can care about them more than anything else. [He smiles at the other man. Sakura and Rin. The names are familiar enough, though it's been a long time. The Tohsaka children, although Sakura had been sent to live with the Matou family. Yes, the story is beginning to make sense to him. He'd known all about his enemies in the Grail War.] No, I don't think it would be.

[It doesn't look like it was any place for Kariya, either, and Kiritsugu knows the man had failed. He didn't win the War. He must have died. Considering the state he's in, that's no surprise.]

I hope they'll be all right. I'm sure you did your best for them.

[His children. Are they here? Of course, he wants to see Shirou--from his perspective, he left him but a little while ago--but Ilya... His own little girl is in a house where she shouldn't be. The thought of seeing her again fills him with almost too much hope for him to bear. No, he can't allow himself to think it might happen. It's--it would hurt, so much, to hope and then have that hope destroyed again.] I've only just arrived. I don't know if they're here. But you're right. I should be with them. I'll look for them.

[filled]

[ .. he does. he'd loved their mother, but rin and sakura had been the closest to children he'd ever had. even more than aoi, they'd been his world, his reason for all of this. for going back to his father even knowing what a monster he was. ] They were.. all I had.

[ he had done his best, but.. it hadn't been enough. his best never is. not for zouken, not for the war, not for sakura's sake.

his expression softens in sympathy and no small amount of exhaustion, tugging the hood down over his face again. ] .. I hope you find them soon, then. I.. I need to get back. If this is a second-- second chance, then.. [ he can't waste it. he doesn't really have time to rest. ]

[failedprotagonist]

Sometimes family is all you have. [He wouldn't take away this man's right to think of those children as his family, even if they weren't his. He's not about to take the only thing he has away from him.] I know what that's like.

If they're here, I'll find them. [He's confident of that fact.]

It may be a second chance. [Get back? To what? A meaningless war that he's going to lose? That hardly seems like much of a chance. Kiritsugu knows he's the one who's going to win the war, and he knows what that means, but he doesn't tell Kariya this.] Before you do that, we have to get those things out of you.

[He doesn't know exactly what they are, other than the rumors he's heard about Zouken Matou's magecraft (Zouken is exactly the kind of magus he was once dedicated to wiping out), but there is undeniably something inside Kariya Matou, and Kiritsugu's not sure how much longer he'll be able to survive.]

Do you know if there's a way to get rid of them?

[filled]

[ he flinches at the mention of the crest worms, a hunted, panicked look taking over the good side of his face. for a moment, he considers trying to flee-- but he knows he wouldn't get far, and what would be the point? besides, he seems to be.. concerned, which is something so foreign that kariya isn't sure how to respond. why would he care? he's a stranger. and anyway, everyone knows the matou family magic is.. wrong.

he shakes his head, a small, mute gesture, arm tightening around his knees as dozens, even hundreds of tiny mouths devour him from the inside. ]

It's too late. And.. and anyway, I couldn't. Not as long as there's.. some chance. [ his breath hitches, vision hazing again as tears rise, and he ducks his head to hide them. after what he's been through, he's not sure he has the capacity to be humiliated by something like this, but.. ] I know that I-- I can't help Sakura on my own anymore. But.. if I can even be a distraction.. If Zouken is entertained by me, then.. then he'll leave her alone.

[failedprotagonist]

Kariya.

[He can already tell this man is stubborn. He should know. He can see the signs. He's stubborn himself. It can be a positive trait, but... not always.]

There's no War here. It's another world. I've been reading about it. There might be someone who can help you here.

[He sighs, then leans forward to rest a hand on the other man's arm, lightly, so as not to cause him any pain. He speaks to him as gently as he can, but he's not sure what to say. Kariya seems so delicate, so easily harmed. Kiritsugu can relate to him, however. He's a man with a dream, who will put everything else aside to pursue it.

That's not necessarily a good idea.]

Do you really think that's true, that Zouken will do that?

[He's sure, based on all the available information, that Zouken Matou never had any intention of letting the girl go. That makes this all the more sad.]

[filled]

[ he jerks at the contact, blurry vision finding the hand uncertainly, then lifting to the other man's face. it would be nice to think that he could be.. stronger. that the fear and pain and horror and violation that he lives with could be taken away. but that would mean finding a way to remove the crest worms, and if they're gone.. what is he? if he lets that happen for his own comfort while sakura is at home suffering a fate that should have been his-- ]

You don't-- understand. [ his voice cracks as he struggles with a sob that's caught in his throat. ] The things.. that go on in that house.. And that should have been me. That was always.. meant to be me. [ but after a lifetime living in that house under zouken's hand and his cruel whims, he'd finally run. and he'd hoped that the matou family magic would finally die.

but zouken had found another way, and it's all kariya's fault. ] I can't.. give up on Sakura, but.. this is all.. I can do. [ he lifts his hand away from his knees to rub his knuckles over his eyes, smearing away the tears. ] It's never-- never been much. But no one else.. seems to care about her.

[failedprotagonist]

[He holds Kariya's gaze, though he's not sure how well the man can see.]

I do understand. I know more about the evil magecraft can do than most.

[He has seen magi make monsters out of men, again and again. He has seen horrors, humans turned into objects, into terrifed animals, into the living dead.]

No. It shouldn't have.

[It shouldn't have been anyone. That was the kind of power, the kind of abuse of power, that Kiritsugu had fought his whole life to end. He had failed, of course. He had failed in every way imaginable. That didn't mean that he had to accept things as they were when faced with an injustice like this.

Injustice... Once he may have truly been able to do something about it. Now, he knows, he's not much good for anything. But he tries anyway.]

No one should have to go through that. [He pauses, studying Kariya's ruined face, compassionately.] I care. I don't know her, but I do care. You'll be better able to help her if you're stronger.