goshdarnspam | IT'S THAT VERY SPECIAL TIME AGAIN.

Others..? [ he can hardly imagine. what are the odds of finding anyone from the same city, much less father kirei. why is he here? how did he find him? (why didn't he just walk away?)

he grits his teeth as his arm is grasped, struggling to sit up, fingers curling against the pavement as he forces his body to cooperate. can he stand? no. but he will. ] Yes. [ a wheezing gasp, and he braces himself, getting his good leg beneath him and pushing upright on it. for a moment, then, he sways unsteadily, bleeding fingers curling against kirei's wrist to steady himself. ]

Where-- Where are we going?

[ Kirei knows Kariya shouldn't be forcing himself to move. Kirei could have carried the man quite easily (Kariya cannot weigh much, given how wasted his body is) but he does not offer it. It is not out of respect for pride that he refrains; it's simply that he would prefer to see Kariya struggle with each torturous step. ]

The church. I can offer you sanctuary. [ Kirei offers a grin which is a bit too dark -- but he doubts Kariya will be too discerning. ] Some things remain the same.

What do you remember?

[ struggle is something he does well; each moment is a struggle for him. to survive, to move, to force himself to keep going. his steps are unsteady as they begin to move, following kirei slowly while it feels as if every footfall is fire scorching his nerves. every breath is an agony, but this is easy. this is just one foot in front of the other. he can do this.

he almost misses the question, he's so focused on simply staying upright. he flinches a little once it registers, fuzzy mind blank for a moment before he can recall. ]

I-- was with Sakura. I think.. the war was ending.

[ Kirei walks slowly -- not out of concern for Kariya's obvious struggle, but rather to prolong it. He holds Kariya steady, allowing the man to lean on him. ]

The war has indeed ended, in a matter of speaking.

There is no Grail in this City.

[ he fights not to lean too hard on the other man, feeling guilty for taking advantage of his kindness. would anyone else have even bothered with kariya? he's a ruin, he knows; already dead or dying, useless and pathetic. but kirei had stopped, he's helping him just as he'd helped him in fuyuki, even though kariya can't really offer him anything.

he has to duck his head to hide the sudden, overwhelmed tears, good hand tightening weakly against the other man's arm. ]

No-- Grail? Then what-- what are we doing here? How do we get home?

[ Even if Kariya bows his head to hide it, the wavering in his voice betrays how close the man is to tears. Why wouldn't he cry? Kariya gave up his entire life for the Grail, and his sacrifice is not a noble one. He suffers and he is no child's hero -- he is a shameful wreck of a man that can barely hold on. That is his legacy. ]

No one knows. There are complicated circumstances: this place is years ahead of the date you last remember. Many things changed in Fuyuki since then.

[ Then, after a careful pause: ] Rin Tohsaka explained it to me.

[ he's trying to follow the thread of the conversation, trying to focus, trying to really hear him, but it's hard. he was never a particularly remarkable person even before returning to zouken, but now, after weeks of infestation, he feels weak and stupid, mind fogged with pain, probably damaged by the worms.

even so.. even though nothing kirei says really makes sense right now, he'd have to be completely insensate not to hear and know rin's name. he jerks in the other man's grasp, footsteps stumbling, sucking in a stunned, wheezing breath that nearly sets him to coughing. he struggles for a moment not to fall, long white fingers leaving smears of crimson against the priest's sleeve as he uses him for support. once he's steady again, his chin lifts, white lashes damp and good eye wide and stunned in his face as he searches kirei's gaze. ]

.. Rin is here? She-- She's safe? She's okay?

[ Kirei feels a flicker of delight fill his gut when Kariya lurches beside him. His breath rasps and hitches in such a pained gasp, and Kirei steadied him, hiding a smile at the sight of blood and tears. ]

Worry not, Kariya; she's safe. She has a Servant of her own to defend her, I may add, and I remain her guardian.

But she is too old for that. She is not the child you remember her to be.

[ .. what? she'd been caught up in this stupid war, too? the thought of it makes the ever-present nausea rise, stomach churning as he fights not to be sick. no, no, no, he'd never wanted this for the girls--

but.. not a child? does this have something to do with this place being-- being in the future? ]

She-- [ despite himself, he leans a little into the supporting hands as they begin to move again, shaking and afraid of the touch even as he craves it. if he could avoid ever being touched again.. everything is tainted by what the crest worms have done to him. but at the same time, kirei's gentleness makes him want to just stay by his side, to do whatever he asks as long as it never changes. ] She's.. older? What about Sakura? Do you-- Do you think I could see her? [ he just wants to see her, even from a distance. just to know she really is okay. he can be satisfied with that. ]

Edited (oops) 2013-07-03 22:03 (UTC)

Relax, Kariya. [ His tone seems incredibly reassuring, but in truth the last thing he wants is for Kariya to be calm. The panicked expression on his face, the frantic response and the fear, feed into Kirei. Kariya is truly hopeless, both a physical and emotional wreck -- so easy to be made to bleed or cry. ]

Ten years have passed. She has become an exceptional young woman. [ He pauses, just for a moment, before he adds quite flatly. ] But her sister is not here.

[ his fingers spasm against kirei's arm. while he's happy to hear that rin has grown, that she's as wonderful a young woman as he'd always known she'd be, the knowledge that sakura isn't here is like a kick in the gut, leaving him winded and weak-kneed. she's still.. back there, then, with zouken. isn't she? ten years in that hell.

there's a noise like a keen in the air, desperate and agonized, and kariya realizes in some part of his brain that it's him. he can't stop shaking, vision spotting with black at the edges, ears ringing. ]

No-- [ it's a weak protest, a choked sob. ] Has she been there for ten years? With the Matou?

[ When Kariya shakes, his very breaths becoming desperate noises of need and despair, Kirei's eyes darken. For a man like Kariya Matou, death would be a relief -- and yet he is doomed to live.

Kirei will help. He will heal whatever injury he can to prolong this miserable existence, to continue to give the man a flase hope where he has no chance at success. ]

I can only assume.

[ Kirei reaches out, his hand gently cupping Kariya's ruined cheek. ] Don't cry, Kariya. [ The words seem gentle, soothing, until: ]

It was beyond your help from the very start.

[ he flinches at the contact, startled that anyone would want to touch the damage to his face, expecting instinctively for it to hurt. it's gentle, though, as all of kirei's touches are, and despite himself, he leans into it, fingers still clutching the other man's sleeve desperately.

for a moment, he can even feel his heart slowing, his breathing evening out. but then kirei says that, and something inside him cracks, breaks apart. he's right, and he knows it, and it's made worse by the fact that this man is telling him. he's never had much hope, but knowing that there's nothing he can do, no way for him to help, is almost more than he can bear.

he staggers away, clutching his hand over his mouth in an effort to stifle the sob, slumping against a lamppost as he shakes. he's so exhausted and everything aches, and he can't-- he can't-- ]

Edited 2013-07-04 01:29 (UTC)

[ Kirei is still adjusting to the powers granted to him by this City. Despair fills him with heat, energy and power, and he has experienced this before... but never on this magnitude. Never this intense.

It is hard to find another man on the level of suffering as Kariya Matou.

For a moment, Kirei feels dizzied by the response. Luckily Kariya is too horrified to notice the way Kirei's eyes flutter, how his expression is dominated by an almost delirious grin, and how he sways slightly on his feet.

It's incredible.

Once he steadies himself, he reaches out for Kariya, wrapping an arm around the man and drawing him against his chest. ]

Hush, Kariya. You'll hurt yourself.

[ his immediate reaction to being grabbed is fear, but when kirei pulls him closer, he hiccups out a startled little noise, fingers weakly curling in the other man's shirt. he presses his face to the curve of a strong shoulder, shuddering and trying to stifle the pathetic tears. has anyone ever held him like this? has anyone ever cared to?

he doesn't know what to do with this, with being comforted when sakura is with zouken, suffering under his hand. the guilt is going to eat him alive. how can he enjoy this, how can he want this? ]

I'm s-- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I--

[ As Kariya buries his face away, Kirei allows himself to smile again. His whole body seems to shudder and hitch against Kirei's chest, stuttering like a stalling vehicle. Kariya shakes like he's breaking down, and Kirei wonders if he could stand if he lets go. ]

You don't have to apologize, Kariya. Not to me.

[ He lifts his hand, stroking his fingers through the shock-white hair, while the other continues to hold him close. ]

[ the way kirei holds him is the way he's seen others hold one another. it's comforting; he feels cared for. he doesn't have to pretend to be okay right now the way he does with other people. kirei doesn't treat him like a burden.

his shaking gradually begins to taper off, tears slowly drying as he holds onto the other man. he doesn't understand any of this. ]

Wh-Why--? [ his voice is still muffled in the other man's shoulder. everything still hurts, but for the moment, it's somehow less important than just being here. ] Why.. would you bother with me?

[ Kirei moves his hand, slipping his fingers under Kariya's chin. He guides the other man away from his shoulder, urging him to look up. His thumb skims across his ruined cheek, wiping away some of the dampness from his skin (tears and blood alike). ]

Do you not think yourself deserving of help?

Is it guilt?

[ the careful touch makes new tears spill, but he's too tired for shame at this point. he doesn't seem to mind the ruin of his face, and it makes some small, broken part of his heart attempt to hope again.

at the question, though, he swallows, gaze sliding away from kirei's. ]

I-- I just-- I'm no use to anyone like this. And I c-can't-- I shouldn't-- [ not while sakura is still with zouken. ]

[ Kirei cannot help a small smile. The expression is mild enough to not give him away, slight enough to not seem cruel in itself. ]

Don't be so sure, Kariya. Do you not want to see Rin again?

[ Kirei does not know if the girl remembers him at all, and either outcome -- being recognized or forgotten -- has equal measure of despair. ]

Of-- Of course I do. [ his hand tightens again in kirei's shirt, comforted despite himself by warmth and familiar strength. the priest has been so good to him, and kariya knows how embarrassed he should be by how he's clinging to him, but when was the last time anyone really even noticed him?

he offers a slightly tremulous smile, then ducks his head to hide the faint, weak flush across his face. ]

I-- Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm just.. a little bit overwhelmed. [ a lot overwhelmed, actually, and still upset and lost. but at least he has someone here. and maybe he'll be able to see rin again. ]

[ Kirei simply nods, his hand resting against Kariya's where he clings to his chest. ]

You shouldn't let her see you like this, of course. You need to recover. [ He takes hold of Kariya's arm again. ] Can you walk?

[ he nods, determined not to be more of a burden than he already is, fingers curling against the arm supporting him. ]

You're right. .. I'm a mess. [ he starts forward again at the other man's side, trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible to hide the pain he's in. he doesn't want to worry the other man, especially over something that can't be helped. ] Who won the Grail..?

[ Ah, there was a story. Kirei turns his head to glance at Kariya, steadying him just slightly as they walk. ]

I am not entirely aware. [ Which is only half a lie. ] I should have Rin tell you herself.

[ Because hearing of its destruction from Rin's lips would strike Kariya to the core. ]

IT'S THAT VERY SPECIAL TIME AGAIN.

/////// curls up

cradles so gently

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omg he's so pathetic, i'm sorry 8'(

never apologize

aaaaaa

oh no now I'M sorry

shrieks no don't be they will be so beautifully hideous

o-oh... "will be"... so is that implying....

s-slowly works on app.....

screams into hands

cries

clings

alskjdf //////

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