goshdarnspam | (no subject)

wonder woman

...I demand a reason first.

because she's wonder woman.

And that's a reason how, exactly?

[ Oh. This will go over well. ]

Er. Hi.

[EYEING

SUSPICIOUSLY]

Mr. Mayor. Hello.

[ It's not like he's good at this..... ]

Hey, so. I was wondering if you could check something out for me.

[Well there's something they have in common.]

A private inquiry? [Forgive him for sounding a bit skeptical.] Pertaining to what?

Pertaining to your skill, as a detective.

[ He dips his head, embarrassed. ]

[Sherlock rises to his full height, not unlike a dangerous animal backed into a corner. But at the same time, if Mitch is coming to him directly for help when he just dismissed his work before, well. His ego doesn't mind this entirely.]

Not inconsiderable, yes.

Oh yeah? Have you made any deductions? About me?

A fair few.

[Small. Tense. Smirk.]

[ He lifts an eyebrow, curiously.]

Such as?

[He'd asked. When they ask, Sherlock releases all responsibility for their reactions to his deductions, no matter what protests John might make. The smirks dies off as Sherlock launches into a rather detailed analysis.]

You're a very private man, obviously, which is wise of a political figure. Little socializing outside of fundraisers or charity balls, or else you'd certainly have more friends outside the office, which you don't. Even the most cleverly constructed public persona needs a lick of truth to it to be convincing, of course. Patriotic, evidenced by the typical American flag pin on your lapel, rarely absent on any politician since the 2001 terrorist attacks, especially not in this City. You appeal to the lower denominator of your constituents with your obsessively coarse language and personal approach.

Of course, you don't really relate to any of them at all. How can an engineering master relate to someone who never made it through the twelfth grade? That's where we start crossing from truth to the mask. You're a member of America's conservative party but you don't exactly believe in all of their policies, do you? You put aside pleasure in the stead of ambition. Not always though. There's nothing wrong with having a liquor cabinet in your office, but you'd be surprised just how hard it is to wash out the smell of marijuana from a cotton suit.

[Sherlock takes another whiff of the air, almost to make sure.]

A few trips to the drycleaner's can fool most people, but anyone with prolonged exposure can pick up such a high grade scent. Of course, I'm sure the party could excuse a few tokes, but there's a reason you don't make connections outside of your work. Gay Republicans never get far, do they?

First off, you're making a lot of assumptions there, Sherlock. First off, whatever I may have done in college, it was college, and it's not a habit I continue to day. Second, I'm not an engineering master, I used to build low-income housing for a living, not fucking skyscrapers. [ He did re-design the second tower, though... ]

Third, and this is the hilarious one, you seem to make a lot of assumptions about my sexuality. Now, I know it's a fucking popular topic, but just because a guy who doesn't have time for relationships doesn't mean that he's gay. I have no problems with my friends on the other side of the fence, shit, I legalized gay marriage, but it's a pretty big stretch to say that it means I'm gay.

[ He lifts a shoulder. ]

If you want proof, I'm sure a kiss would do.

I never assume. I observe.

[Sherlock rolls his eyes at Mitch's other defenses. As if he doesn't get the gay assumption all the time. He only pauses in further analysis of this well practiced dialogue he's hearing when Mitch makes his suggestion.]

--Sorry?

[...Mitch pls that's the opposite of proving you aren't gay wat]

[ He's so bad at these makeout threads. How does kissing even work... ]

You heard me. Can't people, I don't know, tell if someone's interested if they kiss them? I mean, it's not like it's going to kill you, right? If we're both straight guys, this'll be a painful, but quick process.

[Mitch is talking to a man with no admitted experience. If there is any, it probably isn't recent, and if anyone kissed Sherlock Holmes, they must have really meant it, or were out of their minds. So he just gives Mitch a look.]

Not being attracted to me is hardly evidence of heterosexuality.

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How's it goin'?

[Totally just twiddling with his phone and not looking at you, Ollie.]

Fine.

Right. So um.

[Awkward.]

You're not a homophobe, are you? I'm not asking for me, just so we're clear.

[Is he that insecure about his last name? Sherlock still doesn't look up from whatever text he's composing, though his brow does furrow.]

No. That's... fine.

Good. That'll make this less upsetting. Hopefully, anyhow.

[And then with no further warning, Ollie swoops in for a kiss, pushing that darn cellphone aside. He's pretty fast and obviously used to that kind of thing, so it might be just a little startling.]

What--

[Sherlock's protests are at first over his phone until he finds himself with a face full of mustache. It's easy to gather that Ollie is the sweep-off-their-feet type, which Sherlock isn't. Sherlock isn't a type at all, really, and he practically blows a raspberry trying to get his lips free.]