this is not a meme

[glimmers]

character love interests:
tell me of them


Who are your character's love interests? Do they have one true love in their canon? A series of failed relationships and angry exes? Have they sworn off love entirely? Do they have the hots for someone in the City?

Yeah, so basically feel free to tl;dr on the subject on canon and City love interests! If I get bored later, I might even make a chart showing about it!

p.s. this is how this went down last time, in case you wanna c/p your answers from a year ago!

Comments

[redlooksgood]

JANE
Canon
❥ she was engaged to a law student before she "died." when she woke up he was all married with kids and happy, the bastard.
❥ her doctor Seth crushes her hard, but she won't mess with him because he would be all serious and that's gross
❥ she slept with some assassin she met on the beach. they had some angry sex and then killed people together
❥ it's pretty much implied that she does what she has to to finish a job, but that's not a love life
❥ the Punisher. I like to erase this from her history because she was REALLY ooc
❥ she has a daughter in the future in some weird Terminator xover event, so, whoever knocked her up
❥ Maureen. Jane flirts with her a lot, but doesn't go in for the kill because Maureen is her best friend and she values that more than anything. Although it's implied in the Terminator xover that by the time her daughter is born the pair have gotten together.

CNC
❥ Evan. They had sex and have dated. The sex was awkward but the date was nice because there was beer
❥ random NPCs
❥ she is attracted to Helena and Kate
❥ she harasses Bradbury and Jack, but Jack is kind of crossing into friend and there's a working respect that she has for him that she wouldn't mess up with sex unless, idk, drunk or on a job
❥ Jason gets harasses because he's A) cute and B) has an annoying girlfriend
❥ everyone gets trolled because she's kind of a jerk, especially when she's bored

[daft_old_man]

THE DOCTOR
Canon
❥ he had a whole family before he left Gallifrey
❥ married Queen Elizabeth I
❥ married Marilyn Monroe
❥ married River Song in an alternate timeline
❥ was in love with Rose Tyler
❥ there is lots of implications over the many years that he's been married a number of times. Whoops.

CNC
❥ FOREVER ALONE.gif

[culver]

rikku
★ in canon she has at least dated gippal. they are really cute and also my otp 5ever. she may or may not have had a crush on tidus, nobody knows!! also she thought baralai was hot but really who didn't. fandom can't decide whether or not she had a crush on auron too but i say she did kind of sort of because aurikku is my guilty ship that everybody knows about.
☆ in c&c she has dated santo and she has only ever dated santo and she will only ever date santo the end. but she does flirt a lot because flirting is fun.

scatty
★ in canon she's had numerous lovers because of the "friendship of her thighs" which is exactly what it sounds like (a boon she grants to those who complete her training). so that's been going on for 10000 years. but the only actual relationship she's had was with a human man named setanta a.k.a. cuchulain. she trained him for a year but she and her twin sister both loved him, so while they were fighting over him he went off to war and died. but not really!! he was picked up by some evil immortal and forced to serve him and subsequently driven insane and blamed it all on scatty. so he tried to take over vegas with vampyres (who drink blood) and she and billy the kid went to stop him (yes this is her canon). she climbed up the side of a 50 storey building and killed him with the weapon she gave him oops.
☆ in c&c she had a relationship with alex summers but broke it off after she felt him ~falling out of love~ with her for lorna. she also had weird feelings for scott summers but they only acted on that once and then settled into being awkward friends. she's also sort of had a thing for rachel grey and cable--those summers, man. she had a little crush on maximus decimus meridius and also jack bauer, but the former is gone and the latter is now just a friend/ally because she knows that'll never happen. so foreveralone.jpg over here.

nill
★ no. WAIT THERE IS YORA. and also part of the fandom ships her with naoto.
☆ crushes everywhere but not a date to be had. also that douchebag npc not-boyfriend she had for 3 days thank u ali.

gemma
★ in canon she was engaged to ~simon middleton~ who was a viscount's son and also really hot. but he also gave her absinthe and tried to sexually assault her and may or may not have had relations with one of her best (lesbian) friends, so that never actually happened. her one true love was kartik, a boy whom she kicked in the balls upon their first meeting. he was her keeper and then her awkward friend and then he betrayed her and spied on her and then they were in love again--it's all very complicated. but he's a tree now so oops. also the first book is full of all kinds of girl-on-girl kissing which is a good testament to the relationships victorian ladies away at school had with one another (hint it was a very close one) so there's that. but gemma has only ~been~ with kartik.
☆ she slept with daredevil once on her birthday because she was a little lonely and back then she still had her infatuation with him, but now she knows that her ex-boss and that masked guy are the same person and it's kind of awkward.

molly:
★ she dated jim but then he was a psychopath and also possibly gay. sherlock will never love her.
☆ she dated pink floyd but then he was a neo-nazi and also had issues with women. sherlock will still never love her.

[jailbrake]

molly's section is my favorite

[hexappeal]

molly :(

[redshifting]

Kat has no love interest in canon. There are a few young men she seems interested in (and expresses an overwhelming desire to finally get a boyfriend) but nothing ever happens. She does however have a lot of UST with her main rival (and later partner) Raven. Go figure.

In the City? Well, you should go help her out with that.

Feferi in canon is ex-moirails with Eridan, who wanted it to be something more overly romantic (as humans conceive of it). It's implied (and later outright stated) that she's in red-love with Sollux, but then she gets murdered. Oh well.

In the City, she is forever alone.

[bloodplay]

I COULD TALK ABOUT MICHIKO AND HER SAD STRING OF DOUCHEY WHITE GUYS BUT I HAVEN'T GOT THE TIME RIGHT NOW SO I'LL DO THAT AFTER TAGS Brian however had a very fulfilling relationship with his brother's sister! It's not quite as bad as it sounds. Then he proposed to her with the ring he took off the prosthetic arm of a sex worker he brutally murdered, choked her out on a yacht, stuffed her in the trunk of a car with the dead body of the man who originally owned it, tied her to a table with plastic wrap, and tried to get his brother to murder her with him as a fraternal bonding experience! That's exactly what it sounds like. OKAY I GUESS I CAN BREAK IT DOWN A LITTLE MORE...

► so guess who spent out their entire puberty in a mental institution YEAH THIS GUY. He probably didn't get that much unsupervised contact with the other institutionalized patients his age until he started learning how to fake emotions well, considering the childhood-onset ASPD and all, which I assume since they released him at 21 was in the late teens? Also lbr he is incapable of forming meaningful emotional attachments to anyone, if there was any interpersonal shit going down it was purely sexual, but I think it's funnier if he entered the civilized world as a virgin who can't drive, so.
► anyway he gets out at the age of 21! THEN THERE'S LIKE... 16 YEARS UNACCOUNTED SO I ASSUME HE HAD SOME SHALLOW RELATIONSHIPS OVER THAT SPAN OF TIME, but way more important are all the...
► DEAD WORKING GIRLS WHO HE PICKED UP UNDER THE PRETENSE OF SOLICITING SEX AND THEN MURDERED YEAH!!!!!! I have no idea what the actual sex-to-murder rate was, but I'm guessing heavy on the murder, light on the sex. At least one woman, Monique, got away with her life, because she was missing an arm and he's an acrotomophile!
► dating Deb Morgan is actually past his canon point, but he does! And they get engaged after like a month and it goes exactly as the original comment said.
► also he kills Monique a year after the fact but details details
► he's been in the City for like three weeks and is currently having a passionate affair with the coffee creamer Dexter tried to take away from him because fuck you bro, he can't be tamed!!

[undeadsidekick]

Jason died when he was 14 and wasn't ever really shown as having even a lolkid girlfriend or anything. He did seem fond of Donna Troy during his brief stint with the Teen Titans, and I like to play it like he has a vague crush on her, but it's more of a vague crush like you get on your older sibling's cool older friends than any real "romantic interest".

After coming back to life, he was pretty solely fixated on Bruce, so uhh. No time for romance there. He did sleep with Talia Al Ghul slightly before his pullpoint. I hesitate to call her a "romantic interest" either, since she had such total emotional influence over him. It seemed less like a romantic thing, and more like a flurry of 19 year old boy hormones, some oedipal issues, and her really trying to manipulate him into fucking over Bruce and Gotham. I like that dynamic a lot, actually, but it's way more emotional and sexual manipulation than it could ever be romance. Which is fine, I think it's a lot more interesting that way.

People also ship him with Donna in Countdown, but uhh. Man, their sections of that thing are just so unfortunate, I can't. Same goes for Kyle. I don't hate the idea of him with Mia Dearden, especially considering the fact that they originally wanted to use Jason for an HIV awareness plot in the 80s, but it got sidelined for Death in the Family, but there just wasn't ever the development there. And then, you know, the universe exploded. I've never shipped him with Bruce or any of the other Robins. Sorry, tumblr.

Also I can't really get behind the idea of him and Scarlet because he fixates on the concept of the hero/sidekick dynamic too much. It would seem like a corruption of that, and I don't think he could deal with it. Plus when they start being a team he's like 21 and she's like 15. That's a little off, even for the guy who screwed his mother-figure just before trying to kill his father. Yep.

In the City, he's dating Jessica because she was persistent and hormones are a thing. Their relationship is based on manipulation, jealousy, self-loathing, and hormones. It's unhealthy and yet actually one of the more normal things in his existence. He'd totally also tap Laura. Jessica has hot friends, sorry. And he has a weird flirty dynamic with Jane but that's never going anywhere.

Bonus!! Pre-Crisis Jason was hanging out with Mary Marvel when he discovered Earth-2 Huntress's body. I could've totally gone for that as a ship. Why, DC, why did this never happen. It would have been fucking adorable.

[hexappeal]

i love pre-crisis him and mary marvel :(

[predominates]

hahaha...

Even canonically Irene is a bit of a mystery, but as far as we know sexuality is extremely fluid for her. Though I believe she tends to prefer women overall. We see she has a sort of partner in Kate, who doubles as a maid. She refers to herself as 'gay' to John Watson, but I like to think she uses that label to avoid a long winded explanation that ends with 'basically I don't care.' She's an anti-labelist? She's more attracted to intelligence and people using their brains than someone's outward appearance.

As a dominatrix, sex is her game and she uses it to her advantage, so that's a topic she will tend to discuss with anyone. SHAMELESS FLIRT IS IRENE ADLER. But the closest thing to a ~relationship~ (and she would hardly describe it as that) is probably her ongoing attachment to Sherlock Holmes. Again, canon isn't quite clear what exactly went on with them (he travelled halfway across the world to rescue her come on someone got laid), but it's obvious the sentiment is mutual and they are a bit of a weakness for one another. So, they play the role of stubborn children constantly challenging and one-upping the other.

In the City, that obviously persists since she doesn't have to play dead, but she also has her eyes on several lovely ladies because there are so many intelligent ones!!!!!

[shipper]

Nepeta has two romantic interests in canon! The first is her moirail (non-sexual soulmates for you folks not acquainted with the Stuck Homes) Equius, who is a bigoted creep with an overprotective controlling streak a mile long who sweats at the drop of a hat. He's actually a very good person underneath his mountain of negative traits and Nepeta's known him long enough to know that; as such she's outrageously fond of him, although that doesn't mean she doesn't call him out when he's being especially unbearable. He's probably the most important person in her life, and she'd do anything to keep him safe and make sure that he's happy.

Second is Karkat, the profane king of her heart and subject of an incredibly long-held flush crush (hooman-type love). Nepeta has been crushing on him for a ridiculously long time but never managed to work up the courage to confess to him. Unfortunately for her she's more obvious than she realizes and Karkat is already aware of her feelings; however because he doesn't reciprocate he's neglected to mention that to her so they basically keep tip-toeing around the issue forever.

Even without knowing how Karkat feels Nepeta has already accepted that nothing will probably ever happen between them and it would be wise for her to try and move on. She's even aware that Terezi is likely harboring feelings for him as well and doesn't want to step between them, but still finds it impossible to let go of her feelings. No matter how bleak the situation looks she can't stop hoping that maybe, just maybe, something will happen someday.

(spoilers: both of these relationships turn into punches to the heart but luckily this is after C&C!Nepeta's canon point 8D)

In the City things are pretty much the same - Nepeta's convinced that Equius wouldn't leave her alone for long and is impatiently waiting for him to make an appearance and she's still pining away for Karkat.

This is also going to turn into a punch to the heart because shadow!Karkat is a lot less tight with what he says BUT FOR NOW THINGS ARE BALANCED

[crab]

nepeta why do you have such bad taste

[superspeeds]

Pietro showed no romantic inclinations whatsoever before meeting Crystal of the Inhumans. She nursed him back to health after being almost crushed to death. They were married pretty quick after that, despite her still sort of dating Johnny Storm of the FF at the time. Shortly after that, they had a child together. I've honestly never had a good concept of Inhuman aging, but I figure Pietro would've been around 20-22 at the time. He later describes them as being incredibly attracted to each other, but way too young, or something to that end. Their relationship was strained by her cheating a few times, and him being insufferable and suffocating. They split up and got back together, and split up again. But when I say "split up" I mean that he just left or got kicked out. They never officially got a divorce which just... Made things messy, imo.

Despite Crystal having a bunch of other relationships though, Pietro remained solely devoted to her. He has a very pure concept of marriage and just couldn't, even though opportunities presented themselves every now and then. She finally had their marriage annulled in the Silent War plotline after he stole the terrigen crystals, kidnapped their kid, and did hard drugs with her to both force her to develop a mutation, and regain his own. Basically, she was okay with him being kind of weird, but the terrible parenting was a deal breaker. I'm still not sure how this annulment thing works now with him pretending to have been a skrull, but his Inhuman citizenship was restored. Either way, Crystal's remarried now, and her relationship with Pietro is mostly amicable, if a little muddy.

Pietro's one other dubious romantic encounter is Julio Richter of X-Factor fame. They became very close after both losing their mutant abilities, but it's really inconclusive as to whether there was any romantic interest there, or just Pietro being an emotionally manipulative and overall terrible person. At one point, Richter jokes that "at least he's not sleeping with Pietro... anymore", but it's pretty clearly a joke just meant to shock Jamie into shutting up about whatever weird thing is going on between them.

Fandom ships him with Wanda, and I do agree that he has some weiiiiiiiird romantic issues relating to her, but I think it has more to do with her being his ideal of feminine beauty. It's not that he's in love with her so much as that she's his most defined reference for what a woman should be. Thus, he's compared Crystal to her multiple times, and admitted that part of his problem with Wanda and the Vision is that he couldn't stand to see Wanda giving her attention to anyone else, especially in an intimate/relationship kind of way. That's a ship I could only ever sail in a weird self-loathing sort of way, though. I honestly think that Pietro places her in too high of a regard to ever want to ruin that with himself.

In the City, he's married to Angelica Jones They dated for nine months, which is actually quite a while for him. He's a very instant, I LOVE YOU LET'S GET MARRIED kind of person. They have their problems, but they're also disgustingly happy so... It's all worked out pretty well thus far. He still compares her to Wanda, though, and that's one of their problems.

He's also admitted that Clint Barton and Steve Rogers are rather attractive. You know, if you're looking and can ignore Clint ever actually talking.

[jailbrake]

OKAY MICHIKO

► she presumably had teenage boyfriends before she met Hiroshi Morenos, although we never actually see any of them! We see how little of a fuck she gives about being topless in front of people attempting to break into her apartment, and although lbr Michiko is a natural no-fucks-giver she's always been a affection-starved hottie with the confidence to approach whoever she wants, I'm sure there were a decent amount of people before he came around.
► Hiroshi, though, was her first love! Also her only one. Also, a pathetic spineless douche who ran away from her, which ultimately meant she got arrested for a murder she didn't commit! And then faked his death, walked out on the mother of his child, and basically just continued wandering around the country being a pretty blond skidmark on the face of the earth.
► aaaaand then she was in solitary in jail for 12 years so the next guy she has a fling with is a similarly pretty and similarly douchey guy whose name is Bruno I think?? It's been a while since I watched that episode. ANYWAY he's charming and they probably Do It, even though she learns after she meets him that he's married. She then finds out that he has affairs all the time and never intends to leave his wife, who knows all about them! And that's it.
► in the City she and Bender are about to go on honeymoon to the Bahamas

[sorcerersupreme]

Stephen had a fiancee prior in med school prior to the death of his sister. She broke up with him in a very "Christmas Carol" sort of way, after he became way too materialistic, and that was the end of that. After her, he was kind of a manwhore and slept with multiple women, frequently at the same time. They were nameless, faceless and none of them really mattered to his life in the great scheme of things.

Shortly after moving back to New York and beginning his magical... Practice? I guess? He became acquainted with Victoria Bentley. She was deeply infatuated with him, but he either never noticed her feelings, or just straight up didn't reciprocate and didn't have the guts to say that to her face. Either way, he never acknowledged them because he's a douche line that. Victoria was present when Stephen met Clea, and that was love at first sight. She eventually went back to England when it became clear that he and Clea would become a thing, but not before Stephen had the opportunity to steal her magical potential for himself. She was later killed by Deadpool, if memory serves?

Stephen and Clea were a thing for a long time, with her being both his student, and his lover and confidante. A lot of people think this made their relationship less valid (coughFractioncough), but the truth is that Clea is one of the only people to call Stephen on his bullshit in canon and have it matter to him. Despite their teacher/student dynamic, there are only a handful of times when he used it to his advantage and when that was a problem for her, she let him know it. They are one of my only OTPs, true story.

Clea eventually left Earth to rule the Dark Dimension (something that I think Marvel forgot about less than a week later). While she and Stephen never officially "broke up", they certainly stopped seeing each other regularly. I get the feeling he didn't "call" enough, and so there's definitely some residual bitterness there. Or was, anyway. I haven't read Dark Avengers, so I can't say if it's held out.

Stephen's next major relationship was Linda Carter or the Night Nurse. They dated for a while and even worked together professionally. He invited her to stay with him during the Dark Reign/New Avengers stuff, but there hasn't been any reference of their relationship since his "desupreme"ing. Again, I think Marvel just forgot.

In the City, he's slept with Zatanna and maintains an awkward "friends who would totally be screwing on the regular if one of them weren't seeing someone else" dynamic with her. They still make dinner plans every so often. She's his only major interest, though, since most of the network he considers to be "too young" or just not... All that interesting. Woops.

[hexappeal]

she's flattered tbh

[ioudas]

i am only going to do cross because larsa isn't interested in dating anyone (maybe also to spite april) and han is all LEEEEEIIAAAAAAAAA.

canon
► any woman with a pulse
► was maybe in love with anita until she died

in cnc
► had a fling with isabela from dragon age
► tried to hit on kate only to learn that they bat for the same team
► is currently being adorable with lilian crawley (jefferies)

[soulbondee]

Yuma: AKA Professional Harem-Gainer Yuma Tsukumo. While it's true that a good chunk of the cast have crushes on Yuma -- including, but not limited to, Cathy, Anna, Kotori, Alit, Shark (fight me) (please don't actually fight me) -- Yuma hasn't expressed any romantic interest or attraction in anyone. Which makes sense for him being a thirteen-year-old boy, but is a little unusual when he's literally the only person in his group of friends who hasn't (and isn't an alien spy). In-game, while I have been quietly shipping him with a bunch of characters, Yuma hasn't gone full-blown dokidoki for anyone yet.

Ruka: All after her pull-point, but her crushes include: Sly, the pretty but antisocial asshole who expresses nothing but disdain and disinterest in her, gets into choking fights with Rua, and was probably meant to have a plot line where he stole shit from Ruka's friends but screw tying up hanging plot-lines; Michel, a fucking ghost who kidnapped dudes for a living, kidnapped Ruka, and then tried to kill her brother; Luciano, a robot from the future constructed from the memory of childhood from an old as fuck geezer, deliberately constructed his appearance, history, and personality so that Ruka would be attracted to him so he could then get her alone and basically rob and murder her.

It's kind of abysmal. In C&C, she has likewise had a whoooole ton of crushes, mostly on boys her age, mostly blonds, but there have been outliers here and there.

Presently, she is dating Eridan Ampora and has been for eleven months.

[amoray]

and being the occasionally blond sociopathic alien supervillain harry potter he is, ruka's bad taste in dudes marches stolidly onwwards

[invoking]

Hahaha.

CANON
Gil doesn't have any romantic interests. He's declined about thirty marriage proposals now and will continue to do so. Love is a Big Deal and that means it's incredibly frightening, but he's never experienced it. He doesn't even believe that it's possible for someone of his status (adopted noble aside) to marry.

Anyway.

He had a possible attraction to Dalia Garland who only appears in a side story. That ended pretty terribly when it turned out she was part of a crazy cult that thought sacrificing Gil would bring back Dalia's dead father. At the end of the story, he can't decide what to do with her and then tells her he'll never forgive her and that he never wanted to see her again.

CITY
He thinks Donna was beautiful. Sue, Diana, Zatanna, and Natasha also remind him of ~classic beauty~ from his world/time, but that's about it. He doesn't have any feelings for anyone and this is a good thing because he's a debbie downer.

[hexappeal]

wow so he just doesn't think april is attractive at all huh

[gevurah]

I've talked so much about Kate's love life here, I think. :|a

CANON
— was in a relationship with another cadet, Sophie. When she was ordered to report to the BTO, she did ensure that Sophie's career hadn't been jeopardized.
— multiple nameless women but this was more of a no string attached help my life is spiraling out of control
— RENEE!! loved her a lot. Definitely her first great love because it still saddens her to think about what they had and could have had.
— Maggie... but at her canon point nothing's happened.
— everyone has a crush on Wonder Woman.

CITY
— had a thing for Felicia and got to make out with her. :'(
— Renee showed up and they were together. It wasn't going to last, anyway.
— nameless NPC ladies she meets in bars/clubs.
— has a thing for Helena right now.
— Irene and Jane she'll flirt with, but nothing serious.
— ?????
— I cannot remember if there were more.
— THERE WERE. marvel ladies carol and jen. :'( why are all the ladies taken.

[egohalfempty]

Codex has terrible taste. Her love interests all have one thing in common... and it's being awful.

◊ Trevor was a hipster-ish musician who spent their entire relationship cheating and manipulating. When he wasn't doing that, he guilt-tripped Cyd and stomped all over what little self-confidence she had. Not to get all serious about silly web shows and comics but yyyyeah I'd say it was an emotionally abusive relationship. SHE WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN BURNING HIS CELLO.

◊ Wade was her super hot new neighbor who happened to be a stunt guy! Aaaand he was putting the moves on her which made Cyd go all asdfghjkl in real life. Alas, he turned out to have his head up his finely toned ass. After getting his mack on he proceeded to diss Cyd in front of everyone (and quote, "she's not worth it") and then made out with her friend. SHE WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN KICKING HIM.

◊ Fawkes was the kilt-wearing, quote-spouting pretenious leader of a rival Guild. After Cyd defeated him in cyber-battle, he took her out for drinks and they had (and I quote): "one passionate night of wild monkey sex"... and also taco-scented farts (that, too, is a quote). To poor smitten Cyd's dismay, however, he had a dumb policy of only sticking his peen in a lady once. So they couldn't date! Not for real! But he could "pretend" to date her. Yyyyeah, after a while, Cyd got sick of his shit and gave him the boot. By this time, Fawkes had realized he had real feelings in his heartmeats for her, and decided to show that by stalking her all weekend in a furry costume! Surprise, Cyd didn't take it well, and Fawkes found some other furry lady to get freaky with. SHE WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN WATCHING TINK KNEE HIM IN THE BALLS (AND WATCHING SOME OTHER CHICK BEAT HIM UP BEFORE THAT).

◊ Zaboo was her... well-intentioned, sweet... uh, stalker. Turned platonic bro? Probably? Honestly, I thought that whole thing was settled in season three BUT THEN SEASON FOUR HAPPENED. Um. Anyway. Long story short, there miiiiight have been a online flirtation between them in the post-Trevor days but Zaboo took it WAY. TOO. SERIOUSLY. After finally (fiiiiiinally) getting him to see that she didn't like him in that way, though, the two went back to being friends. Cyd saved him from his horrifying if hot new girlfriend Riley and he was only her cheerleader on the whole Fawkes thing. And then she realized that maybe she did like him after all??? Because he wasn't so bad once he started maturing out of being a creepy, clingy manchild. In the end, though, the two realized there was no spark there and decided to go back to being friends. SHE WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN... suprise, I don't have a violent thing there! Wait, I take that back. SHE WAS WAS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED IN LETTING WADE BEAT HIM UP FOR A BIT (EVEN IF NEITHER OF THEM WERE JUSTIFIED IN BEING DUMB MACHO DOUCHES).

◊ Tink and Riley probably don't really belong here, but I gotta say that for a supposedly one hundred percent heterosexual woman Cyd does seem to attract a lot of ladies. And drunkenly tries to make out with them. Just because they have boobs doesn't make them any better than the others, though! Tink is a serial user and Riley... uh. Riley probably should be in jail. No matter how hot she is.

[amoray]

okay let me lay down his canon relationships just to give y'all an idea of what the tone of this comment is going to be like:

- in RED we have jade, nepeta, feferi, and karkat, all unrequited.
- in PALE we have feferi, separated.
- in ASHEN we have kanaya and terezi 4 sure and maybe feferi, all unrequited.
- in BLACK we have sollux and rose, both super unrequited, as well as vriska, separated.

the only person who canonically wants to date him is his dancestor (cronus ampora) who tries to fuck date everyone.

SO THAT BEING SAID in the city he's had a whole fucking lot of everything, god i probably can't even remember them all:

- in RED we have a black/red vacillation with gamzee that lasted a good six months, and then promptly went down in flames, as well as his only current relationship with ruka for nearly one year. he's a pretty shitty boyfriend and is completely unaware of this.
- in PALE we have literally the most counterproductive moirallegiance ever, with eddie nygma, that lasted for like a year or something and then promptly went down in flames. they tried to kill each other afterwards. like four times. it went so badly that eridan has since sworn off moirallegiance forever.
- in ASHEN we have a separated auspisticeship double reacharound between himself + kanaya + sue storm as well as himself + our first rose + sue storm.
- and in BLACK, mother of god - hella unrequited blackcrushes on kanaya, both roses, sollux, eddie, batman, baroona, a whole host of other people that i can't think of right now, and a separated black/red vacillation with gamzee that, again, went down in flames.

CONFUSED FEELINGS category goes to karkat, feferi, eddie, and his murderous pet lionfish xerxes the sewenth.

[shipper]

she's just refusing to even put him up on the wall anymore tbh

[xxii_thefool]

OH BOY let's see...

Minako has had a lot of one-sided nebulous almost-relationships. She kind of encourages those, I think probably much more than she's consciously aware of, because while she can (and does) easily and wholeheartedly offer her friendship to everyone, romantic love is a different creature. She's too busy giving her heart to the whole world to be able to reserve that much of it exclusively for one person; she's just not really emotionally built that way.

She fills the roles that people need her to fill, and that includes being someone to love if that's what's needed, but where possible she avoids reaching that point where it would become necessary to either reciprocate or break someone's heart. She's good at being a Dulcinea figure, but not that great at being a girlfriend.

Canon relationships she's had that fit this mold include:
- Hidetoshi Odagiri, head of the school disciplinary committee. He actually declared his feelings but decided he wasn't good enough for her yet and that he wanted to wait to make a move until he was worthy of her, a decision he will probably regret intensely come March.
- Andre Jean Laurent "Bebe" Geraux, French exchange student and total weeaboo. He went back to France, but promised to return.
- Ken Amada, one of her fellow Persona-users. Precocious crush is precocious, but Minako carefully kept herself to more of a "cool older sister" role because, well, he's eleven.
- Aigis, the AI anti-Shadow robot, who decided that being able to hang around and protect Minako as an ageless and nigh-infinitely repairable machine would make up for her being neither male nor, you know, organic.
- Theodore, the Velvet Room attendant. We have no idea what Theo is beyond "definitely not human" (Minako once watched him drink a can of machine oil. Apparently it was delicious); given how much the Persona series loves its Jungian symbolism, he might actually be the embodiment of her animus. In any case, he unilaterally ended all extracurricular personal contact with her in December, probably because he knew what was coming.

Somewhat more complicated cases:
- Ryoji Mochizuki, who came into her life at a particularly difficult time. If they'd met under better circumstances, maybe they could have gotten somewhere, but since Ryoji was actually (spoilers) the embodiment of man's desire for death, born fully-formed out of the human unconscious and doomed to bring about the end of all human life whether he wanted to or not, the whole point ended up being moot anyway.
- and of course Shinjiro Aragaki, who she actually does have genuine romantic feelings for. Why is complicated, but a lot of what it comes down to is that of all the various faces she wears for the various people in her life, the one she shows for Shinjiro is the one she personally likes the best. And, probably, because he needs it the most, and doesn't believe he deserves it.

[crab]

OKAY SO FOUR TYPES OF ROMANCE BLAH BLAH this gon b complicated

okay so for ~matespritship~ (ye olde human love) he's pretty damn obsessed with miss terezi pyrope. THEY ARE IMPLIED TO HAVE HAD A "THING" IN THE PAST but said thing was tiptoed around by them both because they're cagey idiots and kind of fizzled out. karkat continued to pine like the huge weenie he is and has been pining for at least two years in canon. he is so desperate to get terezi back at one point that he was willing to share her with her current boyfrand, and tried to implement this plan without consulting her first.

he also has a thing for jade harley because she is of the egbert-harley bloodline and thus a Hot Babe. no i kid but seriously, he does have a crush on her!! it is a pretty childish crush -- it developed fairly quickly over the course of one day -- but a crush all the same.

in moirallegiance (codependent soulmates) he is married 2 gamzee makara. (SPOILERS: IF THEY EVER BREAK UP GAMZEE WILL LIKELY MURDER KARKAT AND EVERYONE HE LOVES. NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING THOUGH.)

in ash (IF YOU TWO DON'T STOP FIGHTING I WILL TURN THIS METEOR THE FUCK AROUND) he hasn't shown any in canon inclinations whoop.

in black (ARCH NEMESIS WHOSE FACE I WANT TO KISS) he had a really fucking hilarious HATE AT FIRST SIGHT crush on john egbert, who he promptly tries to woo with a really long and inflamed ~romantic speech~ that he probably spent at least twenty minutes perfecting. he is shot down very quickly but that's ok because it turns out john is actually a nice guy and not all that loathsome after all and they end up friends instead.

he also ends up caliginous FOR HIMSELF due to arguing with his past/future selves on a chat client.

aaaaand he believes himself to have vacillating red/black feelings for terezi pyrope but it is more likely that he is just being a selfish dummy so. yeah. WHAT A LOSER.

IN THE CITY shit is no less complicated ok

so he is still really dang obsessed with and holding a sad, miserable candle for miss pyrope but they are never ever ever getting back together so KARKAT JUST KIND OF. LAYS AROUND WATCHING ROMCOMS AND LISTENING TO ADELE AND CRYING INTO A TUB OF ICE CREAM.

HE AND JADE WENT ON A DATE AND SHE IMMEDIATELY GOT PORTED OUT SO HE IS LIKE I MUST BE CURSED and again, sadly eating ice cream and watching romcoms. life is hard.

he has Confused Feelings about nill where he is INCREDIBLY FOND OF HER and she's also really pretty but he would shy away from an actual relationship with her because WOW TERRIFYING.

PALE: STILL MARRIED TO GAMZEE. HE HEARD KANAYA IS HIS EX AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT. DECIDED TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT.

in ash he and kanaya were really dumb and tried to mediate for each other ALL OVER THE PLACE for months until kanaya finally went fuck this and declared herself john and karkat's auspistice for stupid bullshit.

he also wishes rose would mediate for him and eridan.

IN BLACK HE GOT A HUGE CRUSH ON JULIAN KELLER AFTER HE GOT IN A PUNCHUP WITH HIM ON PROM NIGHT. he promptly made an embarrassingly public attempt at wooing him on the network that predictably ended in a lot of humiliation for all involved, backtracked on it the next morning, and has since accepted that julian is just not that into him, and sworn off even considering hatemance with humans ever again.

HIS TRUE HATEMATE IS STILL HIS PAST/FUTURE SELF kid you're so messed up.

special mention goes to eridan about whom karkat's feelings are just "????????????HELP?????????????"

[swordedpast]

Highfive for past/future self hatemates. Live the dream of the really messed-up I guess?

[hypnosymphony]

isaac has a big dumb crush on shade that manifests as GOSH I SURE AM LUCKY THIS PERSON IS MY FRIEND WOW, GOODNESS that he will never act on

he just kind of has little "/sigh <3" moments :|

he used to have a wife (childhood sweetheart!) but she died in childbirth :<

and uh, mami probably has a friendcrush on madoka :|a with kyoko it was more sisterly affection, though if they are ever on good terms again i could see it developing

[aliveandticking]

ok so IN CANON

Aradia had either a flushed or pale Thing with Sollux, canon isn't really specific and everyone has their own headcanon (i tend to figure it was flushed). And then Vriska mind-controlled Sollux into killing her so that ended in disaster.

She was black with Equius after he made her a robot body programmed to love him like the big dumb jerk he is, but by the time she's fifteen and bumming around the dream bubbles guiding everyone she decides he was a fucking grody-ass weirdo and she regrets that whole thing. sorry buddy. you'll just have to make do with the hundreds of robot copies you hang out with like a grody-ass weirdo.

and then IN THE CITY

she hate-made out with Vriska in a game but now they're something... approaching... friends?? friendly rivals at least. so that is something that nobody is ever going to talk about ever again.

She used to have a hatecrush on Julian Keller's stupid smug stupid hot face that Kanaya was doing her best to auspiticize, but by now she's kind of flipped into having a normal human crush on his stupid smug stupid hot face. julian keller ruins lives txt it

She'd probably go out with Dave if he asked but she accidentally said she didn't want to because she was trying not to weird him out, which is PROBABLY FOR THE BEST REALLY because they are great friends

She's doing her best to moirail Jake even if he doesn't really know what the term means or what kind of relationship it is and she was half joking when she proposed it but it is still a relationship that will end in tears for everyone involved

[hellionated]

By ruins I think you meant 'enriches'

Aradia you're his favourite troll, please tell him you don't eat babies like Gamzee. He doesn't want to believe this of you.