goshdarnspam | (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

Sometimes.

[ her answer is plain, straight forward. ]

Often, I'm sick in the mornings.

[ a brief pause. ]

Does it matter?

[ For his wife, the pain had been constant. Even on her own, her illness plagued her constantly -- let alone adding bearing a child onto her burdens. By comparison, Danger will suffer far less... but for her there is the sense of violation, something unnatural in the mind of a machine.

With Claudia, he tried to deny the pleasure he took in her agony; now he does not disguise it from himself. ]

It can't be helped.

[ He does not touch her stomach outright, but offers out his hands for her to deny or accept. ]

[ the way she watches him is guarded. there's always this metaphorical wall between them, something intangible that nonetheless separates them. sometimes, privately, that distance makes something uncomfortable and tense fester inside her. that's worse than the morning sickness, the aches and pains.

her eyes drift down to his hands, how they're offered to her. finally, she draws closer, reaching to grasp him by the wrists and pull his hands to her, placing his palms flat against her belly. ]

It can. [ she counters simply. it's not a threat-- just a point. ] But I don't wish for it to be helped.

[ His palms press flat against her stomach, not cupping or stroking, merely resting against the bump. It isn't terribly defined as of yet, and he can imagine the sense of dysmorphia will increase as the months progress. ]

Why? [ Kirei knows well enough what sort of company he provides, and even one as detached from Danger should recognize this in him. Yet, she has allowed it to come this far. ]

[ her grip lingers on his wrists, not slack, but not forceful either, just firm. she can feel his pulse under her thumbs, steady. she isn't sure why, but it's comforting somehow-- a reminder that defective as he might be, as detached as he seems, he's still a human being.

she doesn't know why she let it get to this point. it's an odd sort of attachment she has to him, something she can't quantify or articulate. if she dwells on it too much, it frustrates her-- how she fails to understand her own feelings.

at length, her answer: ]

It is a part of me. And you.

[ Kirei considers this quietly for a moment. Even as a machine, she shows a greater capacity for humanity than he does. She feels, and she can be hurt.

This hurts her; he hurts her. Again, he is witness to another damaged woman's suffering and it satisfies him.

There is one small movement: his palm sliding across her stomach, from one side to the other. ]

You may stay here, if it is convenient.

[ her fingers loosen around his wrists when she feels his hand smooth over her middle, the distraction of it drawing her attention in a way it never would have in her metal body. maybe it's those little things that keep her there, just the barest scraps to keep her emotions from starving. it feeds her greatest flaw-- wanting to be wanted.

at once, she craves these small gestures and is frustrated by them. it shows vaguely in her face, that downturn in her mouth again. her voice is low when she answers, only tinged in temper, but that's enough. it's a reminder that she's aggressive under that strange, passive face. ]

Why do you bait me?

Surely you know by now. [ Kirei's tone is still flat, and his hand presses a bit more firmly against her stomach.

He never hides what he is from Danger, how inhuman he is, since she is not human herself. ]

I enjoy it.

[ He does not mean her company, or her body, but rather the small yet telling reactions even an artificial human shows when tormented. ]

[ and just like that, her grip on the wrist of the hand pressed against her middle tightens almost bruisingly. there's a subtle tension in her face when she leans towards him. this close, with almost no space between them, the translucent rings that just barely define her irises are visible, and her words hardly need to be spoken at all to be heard. ]

I care for you, human. Because of that, I suggest you do not push me too far.

[ The grip is painful enough to cause a reaction, but Kirei does not flinch. His fingers twitch against her stomach in response, but his expression remains impassive. ]

You should not care. [ As Kirei does not -- he has not given her good reason to care.

Like Claudia before her, these women... who become attached to him without reason, while knowing very well what lurks within him. He cannot comprehend it. ]

[ she doesn't loosen her grip this time, her attention drifting down to where her hand is wrapped tight around his wrist. she can feel the slight movement in his fingers, the way the small bones in his arm shift a little in response. humans are like machines too sometimes, made of small working parts. ]

I am aware that my feelings for you are irrational. I understand that you are not reciprocative, and it is illogical for me to continue feeling attachment.

[ her voice stays clinical, controlled. but her face betrays her in small ways. the way she holds onto him betrays her too. ]

If I could stop, perhaps I would.

[ He imagines what it would feel like if he did test her patience, and inspire her to shatter his wrist. Would she enjoy it? Likewise, he imagines what it might feel like to have his hand around her throat. Danger is a machine, but she still feels pain, betrayal. A programming that should be logical and analytical has become distorted and compromised by misplaced desire.

An artificial creature has obtained what Kirei, true flesh and blood, can not.

Kirei watches her for a moment. Close as she is now, it is easy to bow his head and touch his lips to hers.

And there is still nothing. ]

[ danger goes still when he presses his mouth to hers. without knowing why, she holds her breath-- the irony of it, a robot holding its breath-- and lets her grip tighten on him to the point where it must be painful.

abruptly, she lets go of him, stepping back to put space between them. her eyebrows furrow. she lifts a hand to her mouth, brushing her fingertips against her lips. ]

You are baiting me again. [ it's a genuine question, more than a threat when she goes on: ] Do you wish for me to hurt you?

[ When her grip tightens, Kirei wonders if she might bite him. Instead, that doesn't come, and when she pulls away he is almost disappointed -- but not for the reasons one might expect. He touches his wrist with the opposite hand, certain bruises will soon form in the shape of her fingers. ]

I am curious: would hurting me please you more? [ Because the kiss obviously inspired precious little. ]

Do you care what pleases me?

[ her counter comes sharp, even if she doesn't raise her voice. she has her own kind of aggression-- from programming, maybe, as a combat machine, or maybe from what life has taught her-- but it's starting to show. there's something almost accusing in her voice, something raw: ]

Will you respond with something more real if I hurt you?

That depends on your definition. I am not immune to pain, but it does not inspire any response beyond what you would expect. I have tried that before. [ There are plenty of scars on his skin to prove it. ] Exposing what lies beneath does little; I found nothing precious hidden under my flesh.

[ The pain of others, however... ]

You are welcome to try it yourself.

[ the intensity of her stare doesn't ease at his answer. a tense moment or two passes, then finally, she comes closer again, closer than before. when she reaches for him, it isn't violent, but seeking, her hands brushing his face like maybe she isn't sure he's a real human being after all. her thumb ghosts over his lower lip before she lets her hands drop again.

finally: ]

I don't wish to hurt you. I care for you.

[ a small pause ]

And I don't yet understand the significance of you wishing to hurt me. Does it make me different from the others, or merely more of the same?

[ The way she touches him is odd, almost childlike, and Kirei remains still for it. With each touch, he wonders if she will grow harsher, but she is gentle the entire time. He is almost disappointed by that. ]

It is different -- more than the others. [ Now it is Kirei's turn to touch her. He cups her face in his hand and lifts her head, his thumb pressing into the soft flesh of her cheek. ] You are a piece of artificial life, but you feel as if you are truly human. You care -- you care for me, yet I have never cared for anyone.

I spent years of my life searching, and I still feel nothing. Nothing could grant me joy save for suffering.

Another woman, as foolish as you, loved me. I only felt pleasure in witness to her pain.

[ His thumb tightens, a blunt nail pressing into Danger's skin. It doesn't scrape or scratch, but the potential is there. ]

You are not real and you have achieved what I could not.

[ her heavy stare doesn't falter under his touch, not even when she feels the pressure of his finger against the skin of her face. she is either fearless or presenting a convincing mimicry of it. her voice is precise, each word enunciated clearly when she speaks again: ]

I am real. My feelings are real.

[ a slight pause. ]

My suffering is real. If that is all you want from me, then take it. Will that make you happy?

[ For a moment, he considers it. His nail digs into her flesh, threatening to break skin, and he wonders what it would feel like to have his hands around her throat. Would she accept it, or panic and fight for her life?

Kirei withdraws his hand slowly. ]

You offer everything in exchange for nothing.

[ she moves to catch him by the wrist again before he can withdraw completely, molding her fingers back to the marks she'd already left there. it's a possessive gesture-- and that possession is dark, born from an unreciprocated affection, from starved emotions.

her voice stays low. ]

No. My motives are selfish. And I have not promised I will accept my suffering quietly.

[ The abused skin is already incredibly sensitive, and he does wince this time, if only slightly: it shows in the tightening between his brows, and the thinning of his lips. She would certainly be leaving a mark on him now, which was obviously deliberate, and Kirei wonders at the possessive display without resisting it. ]

Then what do you intend? [ His voice is neutral, genuinely curious. ]

[ her painful grip on him only lasts another moment, just long enough for her to catch the subtle tension resulting in his face, that little human tell. her grasp turns gentle at a whim, her control almost as fine-tuned in this body as it is in her mechanical one, and her fingertips brush along the length of his forearm before she lets her hand fall away. ]

I wish to be with you. [ her answer is plain, honest. ] I will prove my worth. If that requires sacrifice, then I am willing. Nothing I have ever wanted was given to me easily.

[ There are definite bruises showing now, and Kirei glances at them with detached interest. He has no idea how he has inspired such a reaction in her; what makes her want him. ]

Your worth is not in question. [ Claudia had been a saint, and she could not save him; no one could. ] I cannot change.

Your efforts will be in vain.

That is possible, yes.

[ she doesn't deny it. she's already acknowledge the irrationality of pursuing this at all. but she's compelled to, by her emotions, and it's in constant conflict with her logic.

at length, unreadably: ]

Do you wish for me to stop?

(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

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why do i tag from work this almost got eaten twice

no cries stop eating tags pep's workchan ;D;

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