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goshdarnspam2013-08-31 05:37 pm
erewhile) wrote in goshdarnspam2013-08-31 05:37 pm
Entry tags:
IT'S TIME FOR DIPPING STICKS AND...
TEST DRIVE MEME
Are you thinking about apping to to Cape & Cowl, but you want to get a feel of the setting and how your character will fit in it? Then you’ve come to the right place! Pick any of the following scenarios below or feel free to make up your own, and don’t be afraid to throw yourself at anyone’s thread, either!
And remember to have fun!
1. As you exit the Porter Building, the ambient noises you heard, so faint back inside where you found yourself at the center of glowing platform alone – save for the black screen and the female voice who greeted you – erupt in every direction. Every corner you look is bustling with people and cars and bicycles; people going about their everyday life, unaware you’re one of them: an imPort.
2. Or perhaps your bizarre behaviour or appearance catches their attention. Maybe it’s the communicator you picked up before leaving. Either way, several Cityzens headed your way come to a full stop immediately, each one eyeing you differently. Some looks outright afraid, others seem intrigued, and then there are the others whose surprise fades quickly and they carry on past you without as much a second glance.
3. Confused? The Network seems like a good place to start with soliciting information. There appear to be three functions for you to access: AUDIO, VIDEO, and TEXT. Make some friends while you’re at it!
4. Maybe you’re just thrilled to be here and help. The night time is a great time to scope out the underbelly of the City and its criminals. There’s always something going on in its more troubled corners: breaking and entering, drugs or arms trafficking, an attempting kidnapping... the list goes on. The question is: what will you do, Hero?
5. Make up your own scenario, if you wish! You may have discovered the Porter has granted you the ability to make it hail cats. Or that your power of super speed is gone entirely. Maybe you’ve noticed the Statue of Liberty’s sporting a new look. It’s up to you!
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oh look at all this marine stuff going on
also don't be rude sometimes villains reform but they retain villain stuff it's not the riddler's fault he was created so evvil
NO NEVER HE RUINS LIVES IT'S HIS GIG DON'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM GOSH]
Running things? [Oh good God, this guy is in some sort of power? Jesus take the wheel, holy mother pray for us now and in the hour of death, which is presumably soon because no. No? Also no and more no. Like, Shia Labeouf levels of "no."] What do you run? I'm not so familiar with organizations just yet, as I'm sure you could assume.
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The ocean.
[ said in complete seriousness. ]
Prince regent of Atlantis and the tide nation Oceania, by default. [ and his voice dips just a little bit here, like this is some totally confidential shit he's about to lay down rn. ] And I got ties in City Hall. Connections and whatnot. Got my own salwage business runnin' too, puttin' myself through school with it. Didn't figure the public schoolin' institutions around here would be worth a shit, so I didn't bother with 'em.
[ and yes, he has business cards. ]
so my a key just flew off, pardon the typos to possibly come
Someone worthy.
Someone who isn't talking to him currently let Eridan have his romance with Eddie Hannibal doesn't care!!!]
The ocean.
[Well, that might explain the seafood. No, wait, it totally does. But does he eat it or put it in some sort of tank system around his home so he feels it's cozier? Is his place a morbid train of dead and rotting sea creatures?
That would be totally boss, not gonna lie.]
Where I'm from, we don't have such a person, so please pardon my disbelief. [Yeah he said please because polite.] Education is a good thing to pursue. Perhaps the best of things. It's good that you have that opportunity.
[Hannibal's own stance is not so sassy but his fishface is getting close to it
he could use a business card, thanks. He's only gotten like two so far. How shameful.]
man you gotta stop shreking it so hard
[ yeah man that's like, a challenge or whatever. eridan sighs, setting his bag at his feet and taking exactly one step backwards - like it's some sort of ritual for him, and he knows that holding objects during the next few seconds generally results in a mess. then it's arms stretched over his head, neck popped -
and, probably anticlimactically, he's suddenly his normal grey fishface self, fins and claws and all. this probably alarms at least one passing shopper, but eridan also gives the impression that he's used to doing this, if not delighting in it every time. ]
I'm a whole fuckin' kettle a things, Doc, but I ain't a liar.
[ he scoops the bag back up again, twisting his obnoxiously expensive looking hermès scarf back into place. ]
Not that I go blamin' anybody for not beliewin' me at first. [ shrug!! ] I hear most of you humans don't got Alternian royalty bobbin' about.
no i refuse because http://i.imgur.com/QTaTsC2.jpg and it's never ogre
of course
surprise. Because what is going on? Someone has a fishier face than him? The invisible eyebrows go up, his eyes widen, and it's a good thing he's so dignified because that bag of tomatoes would be on the floor otherwise.
But wait, that's rude. He takes a moment to breathe and get himself back under control, the eyebrow things melting his face into showing something like interest.]
Ah. [Is he even alive] I see. [Sees a lot of stuff that ain't right, that's what he sees right now.] No, I can say we do not have your people about. We have tales of mermaids and Atlantis, but nothing similar to you. It must be difficult to adjust?
[Oh hey, look, cabbage. He'll let it take him away, give his hands something to do so he doesn't just stand there awkwardly. Super smooth, a hundred points to cabbage.]
LMAO OH MY GOD
Not reely.
[ somehow, in some subtle, lazy enunciation of drawled vowels, it's somehow obvious that he is making an ocean pun. just go with me on this one. at any rate, he leans back on the broccoli display all cool, like he's tough shit or or something - this sort of trying to throw the other person hilariously off their game so you can feel cooler than them is one of those things he and eddie does all the time, so it's pretty familiar! there's just a lot less psychological torment going on here, no big. ]
I mean, us trolls - Alternians, but we go by trolls an' all, you get me - got a radically more adwanced culture than you humans, a course. All... [ here he gestures airily, helping explain himself in absolutely no way at all. ] ...quaint, like you lot are. Not real fond a wiolence or anythin' either. You go talkin' about genocide or cannibalism or anythin' like such and people start goin' green.
[ is he digging in his bag? is he eating raw salmon right fucking here like it's no thang and then talking with his mouth full? yes he is. also i'm not exaggerating about that cannibalism shit it's 1000% canon okay trolls r wweird. ]
So, yeah, I guess it's kinda isolatin'. Nothin' a proper sea dweller can't adjust to, a course, but still.
dreamworks has a good sense of humor
[What's wrong with cannibalism man everyone seems to have something against it and it doesn't make any sense because humans are delicious?????? They're already dead so it's not like they were DOING ANYTHING with their organs, God, everyone's such a prude these days.
Only of course Hannibal knows it's bad and murder is bad and he's bad and blah blah. He's not an idiot.]
I must confess curiosity about your biology, if you are capable of eating raw fish without upsetting your digestion.
[He doesn't look badass. He just looks more interesting now.
Also wow these cabbages are all awful is today "almost everything sucks" or something? Who is in charge and do they have a business card?]
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[ is there any appropriate social context for talking about how much you love violence with total strangers? probably not, but eridan does it with everybody. boldly forging new human social territory here, that's him.
but still! that question (he takes it as a question) about his ttly cool alien biology has his eyes lighting up, fins lifting just that millimeter or so higher to indicate... something, some weird alien bullshit. ]
I'm a sea dweller. [ and he finishes off that first bit of fish, going back for another. cold fish isn't exactly... you know, good, but now he feels kind of obligated to keep going. ] Penultimate on the hemospectrum, rulin' caste. See, you got your normal land dwellers - finless sacks a sad sand stompin' off-color shit they are - all dwellin' the land and whatnot, and then you got your sea dwellers. Wiolet bloods for folk like me, fuchsia for Empress caste.
[ this is an incredibly bare-bones explanation because fuck if i'm going to write out the hemospectrum talk all over again. dear god. ]
We're brinesuckers. Gills, fins, float bladders, expandin' and contractin' bladder-based aquatic wascular systems - you get the idea. Raw fish ain't nothin' to my kind.
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and WOW but Hannibal is a people doctor not a sea people doctor but hey he's done enough cooking of the non-talking sea peoples to know what he's talking about. Sure, he's not a fisherman, but how could he not know about the basics of fishy biology? He slices and dices them and
maybe he shouldn't mention that, that might be rude. Maybe there's some weird rule that only sea dwellers can eat their animals, Hannibal has no point of reference for how to deal with this okay. But he follows along, casually untying his bag and slipping a sixth, most worthy tomato inside of it.
don't worry about writing it out i'll just imagine it's like this don't take ll cool j's view of the ocean away from me ok ok]
Ah.
[Yes. Ah. Ahhhh.]
If you have such little inclination to like we normal land dwellers...why did you keep the guise of one? It must be exhausting.
[tell him more about your people suit eridan they need to bond do u want two mentors he and eddie can be ur fathers now nothing can go wrong
at all]
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BUT here eridan shrugs, briefly breaking his weird yellowy-purple fish eye contact to glance at the wall. oh gross there's a fly on that wall never coming back here ever. ]
Some a the natiwes around here ain't too keen on imPorts, if you get what I'm anglin' for here. [ oh yes, nautical terminology. were making it hapen. ] Friend a mine nearly got murdered by one just for bein' one of us. 'Course that was back when shit was really hittin' the circular air rotation dewice, but it's still easier gettin' by if you got human skin to spare.
[ that came out 100000x creepier than he intended it to. whatever, nailed it. he glances back (also that fly is now on the avocados wow no) and shrugs. ]
It's a right goddamn embarrassment when a fuckin' dignitary has to be creepin' about disguisin' himself so he don't get shot, but hell. Gotta adapt.
[ MURDER FAMBLY: CAPE & COWL EDITION no his fins are too big for eddie to cough up it'd never work ]
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anyway wow marine tangent my bad]
I was aware that "imPorts" were not taken to very kindly, yes. I was not aware that they were taken to so unkindly as to incite murderous rage. [casually ignoring that merpeople aliens or whatthefuckever are a bit different than regular joes (not like hannibal is a regular joe BUT OKAY HUMANS in make if not in mind) because okay if they can pass as one why are people killing them????? and what do they look like inside he needs to see one day
could he serve troll meat as fish this is the question it burns him deep inside where all his demons lie all radioactive and shit] It's a shame you have to hide what you really are. I'm hoping it's gotten better, since you're comfortable showing yourself as you really are in a public place?
[well if abel and hannibal can be murder mean girls why can't he have a murder fambly of riddles and reels on the side?? and no he can cut those fins into little pieces fit for questionable consumption OHOHOHOHO]
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also that is basically a synopsis for eridan's summer break tbh ]
You know they poisoned us a while back? Public benefit, hit us all with some kinda imPort targetin' gas. [ shrug! he spent that whole time period in a blind murderous rage, which is like his default setting, so it actually wasn't all that bad. ] Wulcanus and such. People 'round here might not be burnin' you at the stake, but they sure ain't friendly. A brinesucker's gotta watch out for himself.
[ and then the second part!! another easy shrug, as if he's totally unfettered by all this LOWLY HUMAN BULLSHIT. really, he's just flashy and stupid enough to drop his disguise whenever he thinks it'll be cool and won't immediately ruin his life. but what hannibal said also works. ]
An' you can't be lettin' fear keep you from doin' what you're gonna do, in my own personal opinion. [ he should really stop here...... ] I mean, fuck, considerin' my powers, and how goddamn sturdy us trolls are anyhow, nobody's gonna be doin' fuckin' diddly to me in the first place if they ain't got powers of their own. And ewen then, I'll probably already know of 'em before they ewen try.
Seniority and ewerythin'.
[ wow okay secretly wanting to hack him open and look at his guts and threatening to cut his fins off?? congrats hannibal you are literally reenacting portions of eridan and eddie's relationship rn this murder fambly would be the most horrifying and pretentious thing ever and it would be amazing ]
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Poisoning?
[Good God, that's rude. Hannibal wouldn't poison a Happy Meal, who do these people think they are? Seriously, it's not imPort's faults they're here. It's not like they're invading or anything.
All this oppression is gonna push Hannibaby over the edge
he's already there, he's at a chain grocer's.]
No, I hadn't heard of that. [what is wulcanus is that a real word is eridan speaking mermish at him look dumbledore may know mermish but he was also like 150 and hannibal hasn't gotten old enough to believably know every goddamn language on earth in sky and under sea but one day!!!] Nor would I count on seniority being the key to making sure your stay here is safe. I would compare it to how one doesn't always see the shark fin before the teeth bite, but I would imagine marine-based comparisons have long since run their course with you.
[this eddie guy sounds like a real catch, eridan. e&e&h the newest aquarium slash psychiatric office slash restaurant in town it would be more than amazing]
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not once.
but yes a+ good job hannibaby you did the thing. ]
Yeah, suppose so. [ marine-based comparisons are nowhere near as grating as fish puns, honestly. he runs a hand through his perfectly (obnoxiously, obsessively) sculpted hair, making sure it frames his horns just the way he wants it to. aww yeah. ] Still, I'm just sayin'. You kick around these parts for three years, you end up figurin' shit out about people. Keep in good with the capes, keep outta Gotham affairs, don't go traipsin' into dark alleys unless you know what powers they got.
You clewer the fuck up if you wanna float by around here.
[ a beat. as if suddenly thinking of something: ]
You got any clue what kinda powers you got? Ewerybody gets somethin'.
[ e&e&h, double the pretentious and triple the sociopathy of original flavor murder fambly. ]
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Only really not but hey, he'll give him a little smile for his trouble. Look at this face, Eridan. You wanna float by with this face? No that wasn't a question you actually want this face to like you or something so stop swearing
oh nevermind, it's not happening. He'll have a shrimp on the barbie day soon okay]
It's good to hear this from another imPort, because then it seems more reliable. [As if anything merhipster says could be reliable oh wait that's too judgmental but 10000000000 rings WHY] As for—is that considered a polite question, asking about powers? I'm not sure about the decorum of it, since...I had to find out myself. It seems a bit personal.
[it's like lime shrimp maruchan ramen flavor as opposed to that silly beef so yes let's it's perfect]
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[ "i learned most of what constitutes for human manners from a batman supervillain." ]
Is it somethin' embarrassin'?
[ back to non-smiling goodness aw yeah. and also glancing with interest at his eyebrowless company here, as if hannibal is totally likely to tell him if it is. ]
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eridan has he been calling himself super around that's a problem he's totally not super he's just a syndrome, just shitwipe in ugly clothes who can't stop asking questions there's nothing super there he's been lying to you
daddy 2 has so much work to do i stg]
No. Nothing embarrassing.
[S I G H like dealing with Franklyn level sigh right here, this is getting super uncomfy but oh well. Being a dick (a bigger dick) to some guy who's apparently boss of the ocean seems like a bad idea.
But he can't help himself too much, okay. He holds his hand up palm facing downwards, 100% exasperated. Just on the inside where everything else, like laughter.]
Give me your hand, and I'll show you.
[it'll only hurt for a second new precious son]
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still! eridan glances at that offered hand like it's liable to bite him. does he know what he's getting into here? he doesn't, and what's more than that, hannibal could potentially kill him on command. or, like, boil his blood inside his veins or something. eridan can personally launch random passersby into soul-crushing despair on a whim, so he should honestly know better.
logic, however, is not eridan's strong suit. (bravado is.) after a moment's deliberation, eridan finally offers his (slightly cooler than human) hand, giving hannibal a half-unconvinced look. ]
Alright. Let's see it.
[ jfc he better not regret this. ]
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do u even pastry bro]
It's just a moment of pain, I assure you. There is no need to be alarmed.
[Yeah it would be hella nice if he could shoot laser beams out of his mouth or something but that's just too ridiculous for a man like Hannibal Lecter, no one needs that. He's cultured and that is not cultured. Talking with one's mouth full? Rude. Screaming while blasting fucking pure energy on fire at the same time? Holy Jesus get that man in the kitchen he's got a date with a blender because that is too rude to deal with. Calm down Killian why are you the Mandarin why are you breathing fire why did I pay money to see that
But no it's nothing that terrifying or money-grabbing, really. It's very simple. Even though this skin is super not human, Hannibal watches his face very carefully—gotta keep an eye on the
preypatient you know how you do—and runs his index finger up his palm very, very gently. Left in its wake is a shallow cut. Not as painful as a paper cut, but still felt, even dimly. He doesn't draw it out longer than he has to to make it obvious what he means, and pushing his finger right back along the cut has it instantly healed and looking brand new.]You see?
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Uh -
[ "moment of pain"? "no need to freak the fuck out"????? in that brief window before the cut - when eridan is looking at both his life and his choices, naturally - the corner of his mouth twists up over some very sharklike teeth in trepidation. but then whoops, it's too late, it's done. his eyebrows raise a centimeter, moving from their hands back to hannibal's face back to their hands again.
he doesn't seem to register any pain, for what that's worth. trolls, man. ]
Damn. [ he's not yanking his hand away, for whatever that's worth, but is now looking VAGUELY UNNERVED. his violent troll mind immediately jumps to how you could totally fuck somebody up with that ability, okay. ie, how he'd totally fuck somebody up with that ability. this guy's a human sawbones, so it's probably one of those fitting and ironic powers everybody gets saddled with around here to do good for mankind or some shit. ] That's, uh - that's really somethin', Doc. Can't say I got anythin' quite like it.
[ you bet that's an invitation for hannibal to ask what his powers are. he's just waiting. ]
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but it's okay you can tell hannibal anything buddy old pal old chum old friend old scaly lukewarm pale gray fishface thing that should probably be killed in droves but HEY HE'S NOT LIKE THAT HE'S A SPECIAL GOOD KINDA GUY
So good he takes a moment to look over that spot before he pockets his super mystical magic man hand of healing, finally offering something like a smile.
eridan may have picked up that he doesn't exactly have the "smile all the time!!!" sort of face because it's always nice to hear he's still got that boom boom]
I find it interesting, yes. I intend to secure a job with an emergency room as soon as possible, considering my history with surgery taken into account.
[look
at his face
c:
sorry did eridan want to talk about him? to hannibal? please. people pay hannibal to talk about themselves
he takes debit, he'll wait]
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Plenty a imPort murder wictims though. [ a totally 1000% innocent glance upwards, like he's talking about the weather and has not contributed multiple times to that statistic. ] Y'know how it goes with humans. And, uh... mutants, I guess, them too. And whoewer else ends up bobbin' about these parts.
[ wow hannibaby he don't need ur psychiatry biz okay he has a kinda-psychiatrist already. it's harley quinn. ]
We get all types. Don't be flippin' your shit if you get a ton a half-dead folk in spandex though. Lot a natiwes been dressin' up like us and cawortin' around tryin' to be capes. Been gettin' themselwes killed.
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Murder victims. [Look. Okay. Hannibal doesn't have eyebrows but he still has that area and one of those not eyebrows goes up just the slightest.] Won't be too different from back home, then. Minus the spandex, of course; I'm used to murder.
[Hannibal still can't get over all those rings btw but he reaches out to take a clove of garlic in a box (oh how far he has fallen God save the cannibal), moving a bit closer as he is obviously getting ready to just
walk around him
and away
so far away
not near far, not wherever you are far, but far, far away so far away there's princesses and ogres and no troll guys with 1000000 rings over riding gloves what even]
One thing humans won't ever let go of, murder. Do your people not kill each other?
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no eridan just kind of shrugs again, watching hannibal angle for that garlic with mild interest. the fish in his bag is probably approaching room temperature by now, but man what do rich kids even care for wasting food? they're too busy bullying nerds with their water polo buddies and smoking that mary j, or whatever teenagers are doing these days. ]
My people inwented murderball. The sport. [ what he doesn't want going warm on him are those snow crab legs, which is why he's chewing on one now. yep. ] I got a world class orphanin' count under my belt, myself. Surprised humans don't get up to it more often.
You ewer had a barista go light on the foam six days in a row? That'd be grounds for cullin' where I'm from.
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This went from "oh yeah murder" to "I'm from a land that's fucking crazy don't you want to get in my head METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING" really really fast and oh my]
I can't say I've ever had a barista do that to me, no. [Hannibal makes all that stuff himself #elite] But I would imagine it would be grounds for a write up here, if there were complaints. Culling in the form of termination of her employment, but it's certainly not worth ending a life.
[unless you're hannibal
you know how cannibals be]
I can see you're very proud of leaving your own people to be orphans. Seems a bit of an issue, though, if you want your race to survive.
[Orphans. :c Hannibal was an orphan. It's a touchy subject but he weathers it with ease, sweetly scented clove of garlic give him strength.]
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