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goshdarnspam2013-08-31 05:37 pm
erewhile) wrote in goshdarnspam2013-08-31 05:37 pm
Entry tags:
IT'S TIME FOR DIPPING STICKS AND...
TEST DRIVE MEME
Are you thinking about apping to to Cape & Cowl, but you want to get a feel of the setting and how your character will fit in it? Then you’ve come to the right place! Pick any of the following scenarios below or feel free to make up your own, and don’t be afraid to throw yourself at anyone’s thread, either!
And remember to have fun!
1. As you exit the Porter Building, the ambient noises you heard, so faint back inside where you found yourself at the center of glowing platform alone – save for the black screen and the female voice who greeted you – erupt in every direction. Every corner you look is bustling with people and cars and bicycles; people going about their everyday life, unaware you’re one of them: an imPort.
2. Or perhaps your bizarre behaviour or appearance catches their attention. Maybe it’s the communicator you picked up before leaving. Either way, several Cityzens headed your way come to a full stop immediately, each one eyeing you differently. Some looks outright afraid, others seem intrigued, and then there are the others whose surprise fades quickly and they carry on past you without as much a second glance.
3. Confused? The Network seems like a good place to start with soliciting information. There appear to be three functions for you to access: AUDIO, VIDEO, and TEXT. Make some friends while you’re at it!
4. Maybe you’re just thrilled to be here and help. The night time is a great time to scope out the underbelly of the City and its criminals. There’s always something going on in its more troubled corners: breaking and entering, drugs or arms trafficking, an attempting kidnapping... the list goes on. The question is: what will you do, Hero?
5. Make up your own scenario, if you wish! You may have discovered the Porter has granted you the ability to make it hail cats. Or that your power of super speed is gone entirely. Maybe you’ve noticed the Statue of Liberty’s sporting a new look. It’s up to you!
are you ready for this trainwwreck because were making it hapen
I head there for produce. [ in what may or may not be an attempt to look cool, he straightens his arm and slides the bag from the crook of his elbow to his hand, which he then lifts up for show. wow look at this super cool badass a++ good job. ] They got better seafood here. Nothin' beats fresh caught, a course, but you gotta make do.
[ as if he's making a grave personal sacrifice in not having his seafood delivered fresh from mediterranean waters on the daily. the bag (and attached hand) fall limply to his side, and eridan takes another moment to glance over the broccoli anyway, pretending he too can tell that it's rotten, is as knowledgeable in dirty human vegetables as this cultured son of a bitch over here apparently is.
he doesn't, obviously, he's not fucking wolverine like some people. but narcissism is a powerful thing. ]
Been kickin' about these parts for a while. You sorta figure out where's where and what's what, unless you like food poisonin'. Or walkin' into Gotham gang wars.
[ he pauses here, scanning over the whole vegetable spread and blatantly waiting for the "oh this grocers of yours sounds so cool and hip, eridan, you should totally give me the address because you're so cool". ]
let's wreck it so hard we shrek it and make disney cry tears of blood and money lost
He listens to his tale of being super picky about his produce with as little interest on his face as he can possibly show (it's so little it's nigh impossible to see, just like his eyebrows), turning his attention back to the tomato in his hand. Keep calm and inspect produce.]
I've gotten seafood here before, and it's always been quite good. [Food, Hannibal can discuss. He can discuss it all day. He just doesn't usually discuss it with someone who can't stop swearing.
Only he's actually stopped swearing, but his cluster bomb from before is still fresh in his mind and still just as terrifying.] To figure out "what's what," it is generally helpful to have some idea of what it should be. I've found that to be just as profitable as inquiring about it to those who have been here for longer than I.
[This bitch is so cultured it's not even funny. Nor is the glance he gives him that is clearly a social cue for him to move along, move along, go and eat—]
You know you should be getting your bag on ice or in the freezer as soon as possible, right? It could make you sick otherwise. You don't sound like you enjoy food poisoning. It would be terrible to get it because you stopped to talk to a stranger and got distracted for too long.
rubs hands together expectantly
he would because eridan is the one talking, that's why. ]
What, you new?
[ eridan glances up, slightly overplucked eyebrows raising a millimeter or two - now he's actually leaning on the broccoli display, carefully not touching any of it, seafood bag hanging ignored at his elbow again. new generally constitutes either natives having moved into the city - which, considering all the lasers and explosions and occasional visits to the demon dimension that happen, seems mildly unlikely - or a new import. the next line comes, inexplicably, in a stage whisper. ]
Like imPort kinda new?
[ what about seafood? totally ignoring that whole sentence. he'll be able to intrinsically tell when seafood goes bad, at least, and if it does, he'll just leave it for some unlucky homeless person and go get more. the beauty of being mildly wealthy. ]
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At least, if the fellow warrants much later thought at all short of him wondering if he has a business in town and he could get card out of him.
But, ah, people have been ruder. It's just the foul mouth shown earlier that Hannibal is having great issues with. That, and the man's apparent sense of self-importance, even when faced with a stranger.]
Relatively new, yes. I've been here long enough to find places with food that I like and have proven themselves to be worth a return. Have you been here long, then?
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[ a sudden (apparently unconscious) reshuffling of his stance, from languid to muted aggression; he straightens a little, brow knitting, bag slung over his shoulder. it nearly brains a passing shopper in the process. ]
One a the friendliest, anyhow. You want to make dumb bubbly fuckin' fishnoises at any a the old breed, you're basically stickin' yourself with - what? Osborn, Stark? Nygma? [ DRAMATIC, PUT-UPON HUFF. ] Got more luck gettin' blood outta a stone than gettin' anythin' useful outta them. Don't bother unless kissin' ridiculous amounts a spinal crewice is your thing.
[ that's zany alien lingo for "ass". if it seems like he's sort of used to giving terrible, uninformative "welcome to the city" speeches, it's because he is. and finally, somewhat belatedly, he realizes an opportunity to swerve the conversation squarely back on himself - he gestures briefly towards himself with one tattooed hand, and his tone of voice practically screams rich kid. ]
Eridan Ampora. [ a beat, as if deliberating, and then: ] Prince Eridan Ampora, technically.
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also
he could be making shit up. Hannibal would like to fall into that line of thought. But then again!!! They're in a whole new world from other worlds and like okay so maybe he could be a prince but here he's not really a prince of anything because it's all new but Hannibal is still a doctor because he had to earn that, ohohoho.
Minor inner crisis about how to respond averted, he twists the bag to tie it off.]
I do not kiss, as you say, spinal crewice. [No way, he just pats them.
He's totally not mocking his accent or anything I just don't know shit about Homestuck and am trying to adapt or whatever okay] Doctor Hannibal Lecter.[Yeah no he isn't going to be like, o-oh you can call me doctor if you want I mean like it's just a title, hahaha! He earned that shit okay. Respect.]
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NO YOU'RE DOING TOTALLY FINEand also wow hannibal is just lucky he doesn't have a v in his name okay!!! speaking of which, eridan gives him a brief look - okay, it's more of a glance, since hannibaby's so ridiculously imposing and all, and this glance says are you making fun of my accent u wwanna go - but decides at length that he isn't, probably, and relaxes again.probably. ]
Well met, Doc.
[ doc. completely oblivious to his current FLIRTING WITH A PAINFUL DEMISE factor, as he generally is, eridan steps around the broccoli and offers his hand for a handshake. he is wearing 1000000 rings, all obnoxiously expensive looking, over riding gloves. why is he wearing riding gloves? why would someone just barely not old enough to drive even own riding gloves? there is no reason. it is a mystery. ]
Eridan's fine, by the way. It's not like any a these slack-jawed knuckledraggin' wastes a my time ewer pay no attention to my titles nohow.
[ probably because his full title starts out 'his grace and imperiousness lord eridan ampora, master of land and sea' and just goes on. ]
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Maybe? No? Who knows then, and wow Hannibaby only his friends call him that of which there are none but hey sometimes he gets sad at night all alone listening to his super rare obscure recorded tape of an opera that ran all of three nights in 1930 and he has like one of five copies because he is legit hardcore super hipster, too, okay, just because he's not wearing 100000 rings doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate all the things no one else does because no one's heard of them!!!
but good god that's a lot of rings but hey! He has a friend (not a Hannibaby friend it's just a guy who thinks Hannibal is his bro and he's gonna screw him over super hardcore later) who wears the most obnoxious ring in the world and yet somehow he would welcome it now because he can't even count the rings on this motherfucker's hand what a world.]
I can't say I've been called Doc much before. [Suddenly reminded of Bugs Bunny and other hopping rabbits and oh no he has to shake that thing and it's probably been touching seafood and and
oh well, a handshake it is. And he won't even wipe his hand off with his handkerchief because he is so damn polite. Shit, look at all this politesse. It's almost worth a capital P.] Perhaps it's because you are not a prince in this place. That, and people seem to have trouble using titles if they think it takes too long to say.
[doctor lecter
his eyes scream into the night]
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but here's that shitty little half-smirk that says hm yes, me not a prince, how quaint, as he withdraws his hand and readjusts one of his gloves for absolutely no real reason. this is some vegeta shit going on right now. ]
You must be real new. [ he gestures to himself, other hand (with the bag) at his hip. so sessy. ] Most folk around here know somethin' about the King of Atlantis by now.
[ because that sounds SO GENUINE. ]
Gotta agree on titles, though. Buncha plebs don't got a proper appreciation for titles like us.
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sorry buddy
Hannibal doesn't know DBZ but if he saw the show he would agree because what is up with those gloves what if he's hiding burns? Scars? Tender Atlantis meat? He just doesn't know, and he honestly doesn't care to.
But wait there's more]
King? [OHOHOH someone's being a pedantic piece of shit spoilers it's hannibal] Were you taken from your coronation? Or were you soon to be announced as king?
[because he just said he was a prince and gosh stop trying to confuse him]
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as these reminders roll in, his expression drops from "snooty and arrogant" to "regretful and vaguely irritated".
STOP RUINING LIVES, HANNIBAL. ]
Prince regent. If you want to be diggin' into the details.
[ arms crossed!! sassy hip cock. ]
Who giwes a shit. I'm runnin' things around here now. [ shrug!! like he's totally not bothered no way fak u. ] More or less. Bein' a brinesucker on Earth has its benefits, an' I know some people.
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oh look at all this marine stuff going on
also don't be rude sometimes villains reform but they retain villain stuff it's not the riddler's fault he was created so evvil
NO NEVER HE RUINS LIVES IT'S HIS GIG DON'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM HIM GOSH]
Running things? [Oh good God, this guy is in some sort of power? Jesus take the wheel, holy mother pray for us now and in the hour of death, which is presumably soon because no. No? Also no and more no. Like, Shia Labeouf levels of "no."] What do you run? I'm not so familiar with organizations just yet, as I'm sure you could assume.
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The ocean.
[ said in complete seriousness. ]
Prince regent of Atlantis and the tide nation Oceania, by default. [ and his voice dips just a little bit here, like this is some totally confidential shit he's about to lay down rn. ] And I got ties in City Hall. Connections and whatnot. Got my own salwage business runnin' too, puttin' myself through school with it. Didn't figure the public schoolin' institutions around here would be worth a shit, so I didn't bother with 'em.
[ and yes, he has business cards. ]
so my a key just flew off, pardon the typos to possibly come
Someone worthy.
Someone who isn't talking to him currently let Eridan have his romance with Eddie Hannibal doesn't care!!!]
The ocean.
[Well, that might explain the seafood. No, wait, it totally does. But does he eat it or put it in some sort of tank system around his home so he feels it's cozier? Is his place a morbid train of dead and rotting sea creatures?
That would be totally boss, not gonna lie.]
Where I'm from, we don't have such a person, so please pardon my disbelief. [Yeah he said please because polite.] Education is a good thing to pursue. Perhaps the best of things. It's good that you have that opportunity.
[Hannibal's own stance is not so sassy but his fishface is getting close to it
he could use a business card, thanks. He's only gotten like two so far. How shameful.]
man you gotta stop shreking it so hard
[ yeah man that's like, a challenge or whatever. eridan sighs, setting his bag at his feet and taking exactly one step backwards - like it's some sort of ritual for him, and he knows that holding objects during the next few seconds generally results in a mess. then it's arms stretched over his head, neck popped -
and, probably anticlimactically, he's suddenly his normal grey fishface self, fins and claws and all. this probably alarms at least one passing shopper, but eridan also gives the impression that he's used to doing this, if not delighting in it every time. ]
I'm a whole fuckin' kettle a things, Doc, but I ain't a liar.
[ he scoops the bag back up again, twisting his obnoxiously expensive looking hermès scarf back into place. ]
Not that I go blamin' anybody for not beliewin' me at first. [ shrug!! ] I hear most of you humans don't got Alternian royalty bobbin' about.
no i refuse because http://i.imgur.com/QTaTsC2.jpg and it's never ogre
of course
surprise. Because what is going on? Someone has a fishier face than him? The invisible eyebrows go up, his eyes widen, and it's a good thing he's so dignified because that bag of tomatoes would be on the floor otherwise.
But wait, that's rude. He takes a moment to breathe and get himself back under control, the eyebrow things melting his face into showing something like interest.]
Ah. [Is he even alive] I see. [Sees a lot of stuff that ain't right, that's what he sees right now.] No, I can say we do not have your people about. We have tales of mermaids and Atlantis, but nothing similar to you. It must be difficult to adjust?
[Oh hey, look, cabbage. He'll let it take him away, give his hands something to do so he doesn't just stand there awkwardly. Super smooth, a hundred points to cabbage.]
LMAO OH MY GOD
Not reely.
[ somehow, in some subtle, lazy enunciation of drawled vowels, it's somehow obvious that he is making an ocean pun. just go with me on this one. at any rate, he leans back on the broccoli display all cool, like he's tough shit or or something - this sort of trying to throw the other person hilariously off their game so you can feel cooler than them is one of those things he and eddie does all the time, so it's pretty familiar! there's just a lot less psychological torment going on here, no big. ]
I mean, us trolls - Alternians, but we go by trolls an' all, you get me - got a radically more adwanced culture than you humans, a course. All... [ here he gestures airily, helping explain himself in absolutely no way at all. ] ...quaint, like you lot are. Not real fond a wiolence or anythin' either. You go talkin' about genocide or cannibalism or anythin' like such and people start goin' green.
[ is he digging in his bag? is he eating raw salmon right fucking here like it's no thang and then talking with his mouth full? yes he is. also i'm not exaggerating about that cannibalism shit it's 1000% canon okay trolls r wweird. ]
So, yeah, I guess it's kinda isolatin'. Nothin' a proper sea dweller can't adjust to, a course, but still.
dreamworks has a good sense of humor
[What's wrong with cannibalism man everyone seems to have something against it and it doesn't make any sense because humans are delicious?????? They're already dead so it's not like they were DOING ANYTHING with their organs, God, everyone's such a prude these days.
Only of course Hannibal knows it's bad and murder is bad and he's bad and blah blah. He's not an idiot.]
I must confess curiosity about your biology, if you are capable of eating raw fish without upsetting your digestion.
[He doesn't look badass. He just looks more interesting now.
Also wow these cabbages are all awful is today "almost everything sucks" or something? Who is in charge and do they have a business card?]
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[ is there any appropriate social context for talking about how much you love violence with total strangers? probably not, but eridan does it with everybody. boldly forging new human social territory here, that's him.
but still! that question (he takes it as a question) about his ttly cool alien biology has his eyes lighting up, fins lifting just that millimeter or so higher to indicate... something, some weird alien bullshit. ]
I'm a sea dweller. [ and he finishes off that first bit of fish, going back for another. cold fish isn't exactly... you know, good, but now he feels kind of obligated to keep going. ] Penultimate on the hemospectrum, rulin' caste. See, you got your normal land dwellers - finless sacks a sad sand stompin' off-color shit they are - all dwellin' the land and whatnot, and then you got your sea dwellers. Wiolet bloods for folk like me, fuchsia for Empress caste.
[ this is an incredibly bare-bones explanation because fuck if i'm going to write out the hemospectrum talk all over again. dear god. ]
We're brinesuckers. Gills, fins, float bladders, expandin' and contractin' bladder-based aquatic wascular systems - you get the idea. Raw fish ain't nothin' to my kind.
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and WOW but Hannibal is a people doctor not a sea people doctor but hey he's done enough cooking of the non-talking sea peoples to know what he's talking about. Sure, he's not a fisherman, but how could he not know about the basics of fishy biology? He slices and dices them and
maybe he shouldn't mention that, that might be rude. Maybe there's some weird rule that only sea dwellers can eat their animals, Hannibal has no point of reference for how to deal with this okay. But he follows along, casually untying his bag and slipping a sixth, most worthy tomato inside of it.
don't worry about writing it out i'll just imagine it's like this don't take ll cool j's view of the ocean away from me ok ok]
Ah.
[Yes. Ah. Ahhhh.]
If you have such little inclination to like we normal land dwellers...why did you keep the guise of one? It must be exhausting.
[tell him more about your people suit eridan they need to bond do u want two mentors he and eddie can be ur fathers now nothing can go wrong
at all]
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BUT here eridan shrugs, briefly breaking his weird yellowy-purple fish eye contact to glance at the wall. oh gross there's a fly on that wall never coming back here ever. ]
Some a the natiwes around here ain't too keen on imPorts, if you get what I'm anglin' for here. [ oh yes, nautical terminology. were making it hapen. ] Friend a mine nearly got murdered by one just for bein' one of us. 'Course that was back when shit was really hittin' the circular air rotation dewice, but it's still easier gettin' by if you got human skin to spare.
[ that came out 100000x creepier than he intended it to. whatever, nailed it. he glances back (also that fly is now on the avocados wow no) and shrugs. ]
It's a right goddamn embarrassment when a fuckin' dignitary has to be creepin' about disguisin' himself so he don't get shot, but hell. Gotta adapt.
[ MURDER FAMBLY: CAPE & COWL EDITION no his fins are too big for eddie to cough up it'd never work ]
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anyway wow marine tangent my bad]
I was aware that "imPorts" were not taken to very kindly, yes. I was not aware that they were taken to so unkindly as to incite murderous rage. [casually ignoring that merpeople aliens or whatthefuckever are a bit different than regular joes (not like hannibal is a regular joe BUT OKAY HUMANS in make if not in mind) because okay if they can pass as one why are people killing them????? and what do they look like inside he needs to see one day
could he serve troll meat as fish this is the question it burns him deep inside where all his demons lie all radioactive and shit] It's a shame you have to hide what you really are. I'm hoping it's gotten better, since you're comfortable showing yourself as you really are in a public place?
[well if abel and hannibal can be murder mean girls why can't he have a murder fambly of riddles and reels on the side?? and no he can cut those fins into little pieces fit for questionable consumption OHOHOHOHO]
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also that is basically a synopsis for eridan's summer break tbh ]
You know they poisoned us a while back? Public benefit, hit us all with some kinda imPort targetin' gas. [ shrug! he spent that whole time period in a blind murderous rage, which is like his default setting, so it actually wasn't all that bad. ] Wulcanus and such. People 'round here might not be burnin' you at the stake, but they sure ain't friendly. A brinesucker's gotta watch out for himself.
[ and then the second part!! another easy shrug, as if he's totally unfettered by all this LOWLY HUMAN BULLSHIT. really, he's just flashy and stupid enough to drop his disguise whenever he thinks it'll be cool and won't immediately ruin his life. but what hannibal said also works. ]
An' you can't be lettin' fear keep you from doin' what you're gonna do, in my own personal opinion. [ he should really stop here...... ] I mean, fuck, considerin' my powers, and how goddamn sturdy us trolls are anyhow, nobody's gonna be doin' fuckin' diddly to me in the first place if they ain't got powers of their own. And ewen then, I'll probably already know of 'em before they ewen try.
Seniority and ewerythin'.
[ wow okay secretly wanting to hack him open and look at his guts and threatening to cut his fins off?? congrats hannibal you are literally reenacting portions of eridan and eddie's relationship rn this murder fambly would be the most horrifying and pretentious thing ever and it would be amazing ]
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Poisoning?
[Good God, that's rude. Hannibal wouldn't poison a Happy Meal, who do these people think they are? Seriously, it's not imPort's faults they're here. It's not like they're invading or anything.
All this oppression is gonna push Hannibaby over the edge
he's already there, he's at a chain grocer's.]
No, I hadn't heard of that. [what is wulcanus is that a real word is eridan speaking mermish at him look dumbledore may know mermish but he was also like 150 and hannibal hasn't gotten old enough to believably know every goddamn language on earth in sky and under sea but one day!!!] Nor would I count on seniority being the key to making sure your stay here is safe. I would compare it to how one doesn't always see the shark fin before the teeth bite, but I would imagine marine-based comparisons have long since run their course with you.
[this eddie guy sounds like a real catch, eridan. e&e&h the newest aquarium slash psychiatric office slash restaurant in town it would be more than amazing]
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not once.
but yes a+ good job hannibaby you did the thing. ]
Yeah, suppose so. [ marine-based comparisons are nowhere near as grating as fish puns, honestly. he runs a hand through his perfectly (obnoxiously, obsessively) sculpted hair, making sure it frames his horns just the way he wants it to. aww yeah. ] Still, I'm just sayin'. You kick around these parts for three years, you end up figurin' shit out about people. Keep in good with the capes, keep outta Gotham affairs, don't go traipsin' into dark alleys unless you know what powers they got.
You clewer the fuck up if you wanna float by around here.
[ a beat. as if suddenly thinking of something: ]
You got any clue what kinda powers you got? Ewerybody gets somethin'.
[ e&e&h, double the pretentious and triple the sociopathy of original flavor murder fambly. ]
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