goshdarnspam | (no subject)

[Mitch, this is why you should never leave your office unlocked (or with windows that can be pried open by raccoons), because there is April. Sitting in your Mayor chair.]

This is, like, one billion times better than two of my chairs put together.

That's because I'm the fucking mayor, and my ass is planted in that chair all day!

[Arms crossed, he is not amused. April, what the fuck are you doing? ]

[weh weh, Mitch. That's what her eyes say as she kicks off his desk to send the chair into a leisurely spin. Still talking even when her back is to him.]

Obviously not all day.

I was kind of officiating the opening of a new school! What the shit are you doing?

I was told that, legally, if I hold the fort for half an hour I get to be the new Evil Queen.

[Stops the chair suddenly by planting her feet on the floor and leaning forward.]

Did you eat.

What? No, of course not, I'm busy! And no, you can't be the fucking Evil Queen.

[ He steps in, rounding to his own goddamn desk. ]

Good. You have a scheduled lunch thing with some girl. That you have to go to. Or you'll have to pry the chair from my cold, dead thighs.

What? I don't have anything scheduled?

[ He sounds befuddled. ]

Whatever. You would if your stupid computer would let me in and your secretary stop crying. But I called dibs.

My secretary--

What the fuck did you do?

That's not what we're talking about. I want sushi.

Fine, fine. If you insist.

Cool.

[Slowly. Standing from chair. As concerned he might display her maturity level and just dart into it the second she was up.]

Your girlfriend's still gone. Right.

Uh. Yes ? Unfortunately.

[ He pauses. ]

Why?

Because sometimes the internet lies to me. It has stripper level trust issues or something.

[Firmly attempting to herd towards door.]

Oh. Of course. Fine, April, we'll go get sushi.

[ And he follows. Obediently. ]

But the pics of you and James are total photoshop. I mean. No way you have a tan.

[She mentions casually as she steps back enough to fall in step with him, hands firmly in her pockets.]

Oh gross. That's just nasty. Don't these people have anything to do?

Nah. I mean. We, like, killed all the normal stuff boring normal people read. And Teddy R was the only hot dead politician. So. Yay for you.

[Hm. For some reason when they hit the street outside of City hall, April attempts to...link arms.]